Communication and Trust

Hi Beautiful Sisters,

So I thought I would make my debut on this awesome blog.  I know I am not a Mommy yet, but I hope you don't mind.

I have had something on my mind lately and I wanted to share.  Probably all of you know that I do marriage therapy right now at my work.  I have learned a lot in working with my couples, and I wanted to share a great technique with you that I have been using.  Matt and I are even trying it!  It helps a lot to really get to know each other better and really come to know what each other needs.  Perhaps you think you already know what the other person needs in these categories, but our needs can change over time, and it is always important to get on the same page again.

How To: 
Read the statement of each emotional need together, and then write a definition of what you expect from your spouse in that category.  Your husband will do the same and write his own definition for you.  To help you out, complete phrases like: I EXPECT THAT MY SPOUSE WILL......or.......I NEED MY SPOUSE TO........I FEEL FULFILLED IN THIS WHEN........or simply - I WANT..........ETC.  Does this make sense?  The important thing to remember while doing this, is not to point your finger.  For example, I do not want you to say something like: I want this, but you never do it.  Make it positive.  Then after each person has defined their expectations, talk about what the other wrote and commit to putting those things into practice.  Review the other's expectations often.

Here is the list:

The Ten Emotional Needs

1.  Affection – Showing love through words, cards, gifts, hugs, kisses, and courtesies; creating an environment that clearly and repeatedly expresses love.

2.  Sexual Fulfillment – A sexual relationship that brings out a predictably enjoyable sexual response for both partners and is frequent enough for both.

3.  Conversation – Talking about the events of the day, feelings, and plans; avoiding angry or judgmental statements or dwelling on past mistakes; showing interest in your favorite topics of conversation; balancing conversation; using it to inform, investigate, and understand you; and giving you undivided attention.

4.  Recreational Companionship – Develop interest in your favorite recreational activities, learning to be proficient in them, and joining you in those activities.  If any prove to be unpleasant to your spouse after an effort has been made, negotiating new recreational activities that are mutually enjoyable.

5.  Honesty and Openness – Revealing positive and negative feelings, events of the past, daily events and schedule, plans for the future; not leaving you with a false impression; answering your questions truthfully.

6.  Attractiveness of Spouse – Keeping physically fit with diet and exercise; wearing hair, clothing, and (if female) makeup in a way that you find attractive and tasteful.

7.  Financial Support – Provision of the financial resources to house, feed, and clothe your family at a standard of living acceptable to you, but avoiding travel and working hours that are unacceptable to you.

8.  Domestic Support – Creation of a home environment for you that offers a refuge from the stresses of life; managing the home and care of the children – if any are at home – including but not limited to cooking meals, washing dishes, washing and ironing clothes, and housecleaning.

9.  Family Commitment – Scheduling sufficient time and energy for the moral and educational development of your children; reading to them, taking them on frequent outings, educating himself or herself in appropriate child-training methods and discussing those methods with you; avoiding any child-training method or disciplinary action that does not have your enthusiastic support.

10.  Admiration – Respecting, valuing, and appreciating you; rarely critical and expressing admiration to you clearly and often.

Anyway, I would love to know how this all works for you.  You gals are probably all professional in knowing your hubby's expectations in each of these, but maybe not!  And I hope this can help you draw closer to each other.  This technique can really help build communication and trust, and help your marriage be even stronger and more united.  Enjoy!

I love you all so much!

Your sister,

Jac

Meet For the Master's Use

All of this talk of fulfilling our personal missions fits perfectly into what has been on my mind lately. I need to be a missionary to my family. I want to start now building the testimonies of my boys and strengthening my husband. I have been worrying/wondering about it for a while, trying to know what I can do. Obviously that is the wrong question to ask...

So the other night I was so tired so I laid down to sleep and decided to just say a prayer in my head. Heavenly Father doesn't care about my position right? Well... He did that night. I distinctly felt the impression to kneel down and pray. I got to my knees and began praying when another impression came: be quiet and listen. I brushed it off and tried to talk over it but again it came: be quiet and listen, I have something to tell you...


What makes you think YOU can affect the testimony of anyone? No wonder you are frustrated, you have forgotten who's work this is. Remember how it felt to be a tool in my hands? To be given words and ideas above your own? You achieved that level of effectiveness with the spirit on your mission because you sacrificed to get it. The more of yourself you gave to me, the more WE could reach the hearts of those around you. Stop trying to do everything by yourself. How? Well how did every day start on your mission? A personal meeting with me in the scriptures and your study journal. Reading scriptures at night will bring you daily peace and even teach and inspire you. But reading scriptures in the morning is how I can prepare you to teach and inspire others. There is so much more I can make of you. And if you truly desire to be a tool in my hands, this is the sacrifice I require. I know your day starts early with your children, but what if you gave me 20-30 min before giving yourself to them?

Honestly I didn't know how to respond to that last question because I didn't know. I had never done that before. I managed a mumbled, "Thank you" before closing my prayer. I knew what He was asking of me and wondered what on earth He had to teach me that was so important.

Well, this morning was my first morning of waking up early and my studies took me to 2 Timothy 2:6-26. It starts out with "The husbandman that laboreth must be first partaker of the fruits." In other words, how can we share something we are not feasting on daily? It goes on to talk about sanctifying yourself first, before you can be "meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work."  It ends by saying how meek instruction will allow others to " recover themselves out of the snare of the devil."

That last part hit me hard. Even if I partake of the fruit every day, become sanctified, and teach with the Holy Spirit in meekness it is still up to every member of my family to recover themselves eventually. For a control freak mom like myself that's hard to hear. But I know it's true. And why worry endlessly about their agency when I'm not even in a place to be the influence they need! There is so much I can do and become through the Lord's help to give them the best possible opportunity of finding lasting faith. So basically the Lord said, "Stop worrying about what you cannot control, it is hindering you becoming the tool I will need in their lives! Become the true and divine YOU and the choice for them will be simple."

I love you ladies. Thanks for letting me share. I'm not saying everyone has to get up early for a personal meeting with the Lord, I just know that I need to during this chapter of my life to be what my family needs.

Reminder

Name Tags

I just finished writing Sistah Nay in Thailand. Ah, I love and miss that girl terribly. I will be honest, looking back at my few short years of living, I have a tiny tinge of regret not serving a mission. At the time I really don't think I was prepared to do it. But now? I would be out there in a heart beat. I often wonder how it would change my life and my convictions in the gospel, and how it could have made me a better mom and wife. I also wonder if there were people I was supposed to reach, but shyed away from the responsibility. Then, I found this quote by Sheri Dew and it helped me feel a little better about what can be done NOW, instead of worrying about what I could have done.

"With the exception of those serving full-time missions, we needn't don name badges or knock on doors to help build the kingdom. For though some would portray us as dowdy and dominated rather than the dynamic, radiant women we are, no woman is more persuasive, no woman has greater influence for good, no woman is a more vibrant instrument in the hands of the Lord than a woman of God who is THRILLED TO BE WHO SHE IS. I like to think of us as the Lord's secret weapon. If we did have name tags, I would want mine to read: "Sheri Dew, Woman of God, Busy Building the Kingdom of God."

I think I would want my name tag to say, "Sarah Garcia, Woman of God, Taking Time and Effort to Love."

What would yours say???

Different Languages

We all know that men and women speak different languages on so many different levels. In fact I think that at least 90% of all arguments consist of complete misinterpretations. I think it could be fun to post a few comments that have occurred between husband and wife that were interpreted totally differently on either side.

For example I call Nate "Huzby" lately because I'm wierd like that. So he started calling me "Wubzy". (I know we're nerds, that's not the point.) So we were driving on saturday and he called me "Wuberella" as in "Cinderella". I told him if he wants a maid he can hire one because I'm not it. He was confused and said, "Cinderella goes to the ball and marries the prince and loses her shoe... what does that have to do with cleaning?"

Dumb example, I know. But I'm just wondering if you all have any examples of misinterpretations that have gone on between you. We seriously need a translator sometimes!!! Haha!

(P.S. Bear Lake was awesome! Good memories on the deck with the bat poop and interrupting each other, haha. Also boating with the girls was such a good memory and emotional break from traveling with twins! Love you all!)

Today's quote

"What a wife might consider to be "continuous encouragement" often sounds to the husband like "perpetual dissatisfaction."

--John Bytheway, Behind Every Good Man

Guilty as charged! Thanks for the book, Em. :)

Vulnerability

This video is kind of long but it is such an interesting perspective on human connection and vulnerability. It reminded me of a Sunday School class Nate and I took at the beginning of our marriage. Our teacher was studying to be a marriage counselor at BYU and one thing he talked about over and over again was this simple truth: vulnerability begets intimacy. Not necessarily physical intimacy, although that may be an additional consequence ;) but mostly an emotional intimacy.

In striving to maintain and even strengthen my human connections, bear with me as I explore a few thoughts...

It's quite the paradox that vulnerability was a common denominator in people's separation as well as other people's connections. On the one hand feeling vulnerable lead many people to feel ashamed and therefore unlovable, closing themselves off and becoming more and more distant. On the other hand demonstrating vulnerability to another person and having them love the imperfect you is quite possibly the strongest human connector we know of.

I learned one thing just now in how I worded that... Perhaps the difference isn't the emotion, it's whether we attempt to hide or share the emotion. No it's more than that, it seems to be our perception of our vulnerability. Do our weaknesses make us unlovable or endearing? Hmmm.....

This is all well and dandy in black and white on a computer screen but the honest part of me is thinking, "What a crappy way to live! To share my vulnerabilities all the time! What a drag to have a friend/spouse who's always complaining about their insecurities!"

Maybe we don't always have to share our vulnerability in words, maybe it's just being vulnerable. Asking for things with the possibility of being denied... hoping for something when you might be let down... praying for something with all your heart when the answer just might be "no" or "not yet"... It's starting to sound a lot like the definition of Faith from Elder Bednar's talk But If Not.

Okay, it's late... too much to think about... Perhaps I'll end by posing this simple question:

How can we become more "whole-hearted" and strengthen our human connections?

Mom, mom, mom, mom....

Ok, so I totally hate this show. Believe me.
But yesterday's interaction with Shelby reminded me of this little clip.


This seriously happened to me yesterday. No lie.

It was one of those afternoons where 6 hours of that wonderful, adorable, uninterrupted talking was starting to cause a cute little headache...or an incredibly massive one. :) I was totally having "Helga-Mom" moment. You three beautiful women may think I'm a horrible mom for feeling this way. But I promise you--it is just impossible to say "what" every single time your name is called. I really was not a pretty mommy. I was almost tempted to make a trip to K-Mart for some duct tape. Ok, I'm only joking now. Kinda.

What's funny is that Shelby didn't seem to notice. After a trillion "mamma's", I responded with a "WHAT?!" that would've made your hair stand on end. And she responded with a quick, "I love you" and then she smiled sweetly. It was almost sarcastic. Stinker. :)

When 8 o'clock came around and she was in bed, I fell on the couch. I rested, recovered. And then I went back in. I laid next to my beautiful sleeping beauty.

I suddenly understood this concept I often hear among the mom-folk: that some of the best moments spent with kids are when they are quietly sedated.

And yesterday, those quiet moments were absolutely the best part of my day. And actually believe it or not, a good night's sleep got me excited to hear the famous first phrase (the first thing she says when she exits her room in the morning is always incredibly random and quite humorous...this morning it was "Mom? Sugar does not want ketchup for dinner. She doesn't, Mom.").

Emily, you may be battled by 3 year olds who might literally tear down the house...I am battled by a 3 year old who talks. Watch out, Liz and Sar. Watch out. :)

Recipe Call

Ok Sisters and Mom - Because I miss quite a few family get-togethers, I don't have the opportunity to sample your latest culinary creations. So... have you come across any good recipes lately that you wouldn't mind sharing? It can be dinner, breakfast, salad, dessert, etc - but I need something new to try!

My sister-in-law Heather is putting together a recipe book that I am helping her with, and I feel like I have a shortage of contributions. Many of my best recipes have come from you guys, so I am calling on you for help. They can be fancy delicacies or a practical go-to meal, anything to add variety to my waning repertoire of recipes.

Sar, I do have one request - the decadent white coconut cake please?

And Happy Mother's Day to ALL of you! Have fun in St. George!

Hands-on Training

Amidst the immense blessings our family has received lately (pregnancy, callings, a new job, etc.), the Lord has not forgotten to further our education of life through experience.

Usually Conference weekend is a time of reflection, instruction, inspiration, meditation, and even a bit of relaxation. There have been past Conferences when I have come away a new person, resolved to live life more purposefully. This last Conference weekend, however, was unusual and unorthodox for our little family. The result has eventually been the same--I have come away a different and even better person, but the instruction came in a very different form. Instead of soaking in the wisdom of our prophets from the comfort of a couch, my instruction came through a real "hands-on" experience--an opportunity to learn amidst trial.

As you all know, early Sunday morning I got a text from Willie saying he was in the ER. Expecting the worst, I called him and he said he had been up all night with intense abdominal pain, and finally, after trying everything possible, he knelt and prayed asking for help. He got the immediate impression that he should go to the hospital. So even though he was doubled over in pain, he drove himself to the ER. They ran a few tests and determined that he was having appendicitis and would need immediate surgery to remove his appendix. And of course I am not there! I got off the phone with him and you all started to help us pack up our car and leave immediately for Wyoming. Within a half-hour we were on the road back home. Now that was an interesting drive. I had recently heard of several incidents where a young husband and father had passed away leaving his family, and I couldn’t help but think about what it would be like to lose Will. Amidst the turmoil and a few tears that this thought brought, an overwhelming sense of peace came to me. I came to know that even if I were called to go through such an intense and unfathomable trial, nothing really would change for me. I would not believe any less in Heavenly Father’s plan for me – in fact I would rely upon it even more. It would not change what I had learned as a missionary, it would not change what I know about the power of the Atonement, although there is no doubt that I would have much more reason to draw upon that power. Basically, what I realized is that in any trial we ultimately have two choices – Do I draw closer to Christ or turn my back on Him? There is no middle ground. And if I make it a habit to always turn to Him in the small challenges, then I can be assured that I will do the same when the earth-shattering trials come along. Before this incident, I don’t know if I would have been able to answer those questions about myself. But on that drive home, the Lord taught me a thing or two about who I am, and about His plan for me.

So while I did not get the chance to learn from the Lord via his prophets that Conference Sunday, he still made sure I received the instruction and comfort I needed, and it came straight from Him.

Peace Making Pop Quiz

So hypothetically, lets say your husband gets in a little (or major) tiff with his mother... What is your role in the whole ordeal?

(a) You are the anointed peacemaker and must serve as a go-between diplomat until both mother and son feel peace on earth once again.

(b) You are simply a listener for husband and mother-in-law and you empathize each side of the argument respectively.

(c) You use this as your chance to be rid of your mother-in-law once and for all and encourage your husband to cut all ties (this one is a joke :)

(d) Absolutely nothing. They will or will not work it out themselves and there's nothing you can do about it.

You may also opt for the essay portion and create your own answer.

Just hypothetically speaking, of course....

Ode to My Big Sis

I know that it's because I didn't take the opportunity to see Lizzy enough while she was here, but I have been so Lizzy-Sick the last few days I can hardly stand it! So I just wanted you to know, Liz, how grateful I am for you.

Honestly, I don't know how you survived without a big sister growing up. Every time we get together I feel like we are missing our leader! I feel a hole in our conversations and our fun without you. Life is SO SO SO SO much easier when you have a big sister who tests the waters of life first and helps you along the way with her experience and love. Being the oldest in a family takes so much tenacity, patience, and humor to survive! You, Liz, are the perfect oldest sibling.

Yes, we had our minor altercations (haha), but they were always short-lived. I relied on you far more than I ever disagreed with you. But what I'm realizing lately is how much I STILL need you! You are living proof that the harmony between Dad's shrewd intellect and love of life and Mom's unconditional love is possible in one human being.

All of your sisters want to be like you. I think I've had several people comment to me throughout my life that it must be hard to live in your shadow. But following after you has always reminded me of the saying, "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars." Sorry, I know this is really mushy, but that's what I bring to the table right?

You are the strongest woman I know. Thank you for your continued good example of faith, courage, and the ability to be joyful! Mostly, the purpose of this post is to let you know how much I miss you, admire you, and love you!

You're gonna miss this...

There are a few things I have to admit to. #1: I've been the worst contributor to this blog in the history of it's existence. I'm sorry. I do love hearing these amazing insights from my best friends in the entire world.

#2: I have been quoted (on numerous occasions) saying how much I dislike pregnancy. Not sure if there has been a bigger prego-whiner than me, but if she actually exists, she must be a very unpleasant person to be around. I have been awful--I really have. I keep justifying by claiming my pregnancy to be much more complicated than others. Really, I think some people are just better at recognizing the miracles within their trials.

I don't know why I listen to country music. I cannot listen to it without sobbing. However, I think it a good alternative to Lady Gaga. So the other day, good ol' Trace Atkins came on. Talk about a wake up call--it was like being struck in the head by a brick.

Even now in the midst of dreadful contractions (yes, that is why I am up at this hour...they've kept me up all night!), I still feel just a little bit sad that it's almost over. Heavenly Father (and I'm sure Heavenly Mother) DID know what they were doing when they designed the child-bearing process. Over the course of 9 months we are able to connect with and develop such love for our unborn little ones in such an incredible way. And in the midst of some pains, we are able to start learning the beauty of being willing to sacrifice ANYTHING for our children. For that is exactly what our Heavenly Parents have shown us.

So I'm trying to hold on to these last hours and relish them. Because someday I will be 84, and I will be the one to say to my nurse who 8 months pregnant: "Please just enjoy this time. Please, please, please..."

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days
hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

--Trace Atkins

Mommyhood Unglamorous? Never...

You know those days when your coming off some kind of high and life hits you smack between the eyes? I just had one of those days today.

Blakey had to go to the doctor this morning because his nebulizer just wasn't clearing up his weazing. (Blake has had a cough for over a month and they finally prescribed a nebulizer, we're currently on our 4th diagnosis. First possibly rsv, then bronchitis, then asthma, now a sinus infection in his lungs...) We got him some antibiotics and a steroid to help him kick it for good, hopefully.

After their nap Blake felt a little warm and just wanted to be held. Therefore Caden thought he had to be held too. Apparently, today mommy's lap was the place to whine and cry and the floor was the place to wail and scream. I can't believe how much Caden was affected by my attentiveness to Blake! He would not be left behind! Even their high chairs were too far away from mommy! So we went in the front room (because change of sceneray always helps) and I started feeding them on my lap while sitting on the floor. You can guess how well that went. But what's a little mess when your babies are inconsolable right?

So I fill Blake up with a particularly large lunch and then give him his medicine. When I tell you his steroid medicine is disgusting it doesn't quite do justice to how bitter, rank, and putrid that stuff tastes. Poor Blakey's sensitive gag reflex was no match for it. Up came his lunch, his snack, and his breakfast. I didn't know a baby's stomach could fit that much!! So as I'm trying to figure out my next move I carelessly put the jar of baby food on the couch. Guess where Caden b-lines straight to? Before I can even find anything to wipe my hands on Caden is finger painting with carrots on our black couch.

I decided to head straight for the tub without cleaning anything up. They don't play very nice in the tub so Caden waited impatiently in a saucer thing while I cleaned up the puke baby. Then I mistakenly thought I could dress Blake while Caden played in the tub. Before I had even finished lotioning the front side of Blake, Caden had fallen over 3 times. He tries to stand up and walk around the tub in circles. I tried to hold him down with one hand and diaper Blake with the other hand but I couldn't quite control that slippery little body of his. He fell again and something in his mouth started bleeding. Again, I have two screaming babies, only now they are naked and one of them is bleeding.

After that it's all a blur, to be honest. I somehow kept Caden on his toush while I got Blake's diaper on. It's one of those moments where you think, "I can't do it any more!" only to keep going and somehow muddle through.

Once they were dressed I went and put them both in their cribs with some books (it wasn't nap time) and I went downstairs, turned on the TV, and ate ice cream straight from the carton. Okay, I cleaned up the throw up first, but THEN I really dropped everything and vegged for at least 45 min.

Getting them their dinner and into bed didn't go much smoother but we all survived. I don't know why I feel better after telling you all this. Probably because I know you'll sympathize and appreciate the lengths I've been pushed to today...

Thanks for being my sounding board, I am grateful to have you guys. I love you all!

New Fashion Statement

So I should have taken a picture but you'll just have to trust me. I was at Walmart yesterday when I first noticed it. I saw something white and crusty in the boob area of my shirt. "Darn!" I thought, "I've only had this shirt on for an hour and it's already a mess..."

I got home and promptly forgot about my shirt as the whirlwind of dinner, jammies, and bedtime consumed my evening. After making dinner and cleaning it up and folding two loads of laundry I staggered upstairs, tired as usual. I went in to brush my teeth and my reflection in the mirror confused me at first, and then made me laugh out loud.

The white crusties on my shirt formed perfect little handprint right over my boob! The boys had cottage cheese for the first time yesterday and I must have picked one of them up before wiping them off - Hahaha! I walked all around Walmart looking a little scandalous ;)

At least I had a good laugh over it, and hopefully you do too.

Eye--Eye Matey!!

So as you all know it has been quite a month for Livvy and her beautiful eyes. We first tried some "therapeutic" glasses. Adorable,yes. But she looks much too old for her Mommy's liking.
After another second opinion from a supposedly more qualified doc, the glasses are now deemed unnecessary and we have moved on to the patch. After a week and many photo-ops, this is the one and only pic of her smiling while wearing her patch (btw Sar, she loves her tutu):
She really isn't much of a fan, as you can imagine, but today she finally wore it without any crying or whining. I just wanted to share some visuals since she doesn't get to see her aunties as often as she would like.

We're doing our best to take care of these beautiful baby-blues!

Naturally Divine

So I'm plugging along in Personal Progress and this week's value is Divine Nature. What a cool topic. Tonight I came across this inspiring talk by Sheri Dew, "Are We Not All Mothers?" from Oct 2001 Conference -- I recommend it. The following is an excerpt:

As mothers in Israel, we are the Lord’s secret weapon.

Our influence comes from a divine endowment that has been in place from the beginning. In the premortal world, when our Father described our role, I wonder if we didn’t stand in wide-eyed wonder that He would bless us with a sacred trust so central to His plan and that He would endow us with gifts so vital to the loving and leading of His children. I wonder if we shouted for joy at least in part because of the ennobling stature He gave us in His kingdom.

The world won’t tell you that, but the Spirit will.

She discusses the doctrine of Motherhood, and how we all (females) were endowed with the privilege of motherhood before we were born, and before we ever bear children of our own.

Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.

So even though we are all currently mothers of small children, what is it about our essence and character that encompasses the endowment of motherhood?

She mentions some of the characteristics: heroic faith, a keen sensitivity to the Spirit, an abhorrence of evil, and complete selflessness. I would include compassion. What do you guys think?

Just food for thought.

Happiness Amidst the Craziness

... I'm sitting in front of my computer, staring at the screen, amazed that I have a half hour to let my girls know how I'm doing... I have been waiting to post for a week now, and now I can't even remember what I was going to write about! So I am going to write about something else. This week has been a crazy hard week. Maya came down with a cough and now Rosie has it as well. Cesar has been working and shadowing this week, so he hasn't been around as much to help. Plus, this week was the first week that it REALLY hit me... I HAVE TWO KIDS...

I was holding Maya, just staring at her, while Rosie was taking her nap. She's four weeks old and has already changed and grown up. As I was admiring her, I couldn't believe how fast the last month went by! I felt like I missed my little baby and her first month of life! I was there for her feedings, for her baths, and to change her diaper, but I feel like I wasn't able to cuddle and try to connect with her the way I was able to with Rosie. Just then, Rosie wakes up from her nap and is needing me once again. At this point, WHAT DO I DO??? Do I let Rosie cry for awhile in her bed while I hold Maya a little longer, or do I put Maya down ONCE AGAIN in order to help Rosie with something? Who really needs me more? Do I just respond to whoever screams the loudest? Or do I just miss Maya growing up in order to keep Rosie peaceful? How do I assess the situation in order to help who really needs me more? I will say that I really, really wish Rosie were talking so I wasn't always guessing at what she needs. That would probably make things easier!

My other struggle this week has been with personal time. I currently don't feel like I even have enough time to see my kids grow up, let alone having fifteen minutes to shower in peace! I feel like I probably should take time for myself, even if it's just fifteen minutes to shower, but I feel like some days I just can't justify that time for myself, which is why I sometimes go three days without showering! This sounds ridiculous as I type it and re-read it, but there are honestly some days where I don't have time to shower until ten 0'clock at night and by that point I just don't have the energy to do it.

I realize that this is just a stage, because once Maya gets on a schedule and is sleeping through the night I am sure I will find more time for myself. But how do I just enjoy this time I have with her while I am sleep deprived and greasy? Because I will NEVER get it back. I find myself wishing for the day when Maya will sleep eleven to twelve hours at night, but as I look at Rosie and how grown up she is, I realize I will never get this newborn stage back with Maya! I am trying to find the joy and happiness amidst the frustration and craziness, and I am having a hard time with it... I just need my sisters to tell me what to do! I am currently out of ideas and consistently drawing a blank in my pooped out brain.

...Order...Order in the Court!

I'm so glad Heavenly Father isn't done teaching me. That sounds a bit ridiculous, I know. But recently it seems I have been receiving lesson, after lesson, after lesson! As I sit down to blog a bit about these lessons, it seems like an impossible feat--but here goes.

When Olivia was born, I had about 3 weeks to simply enjoy being her mother before I was thrown back into the hustle and bustle of law school. She came right along with me, endured the crazy ride, and we somehow managed to graduate. Thankfully I had sisters willing to open their homes, watch my little one for a few hours and send home a warm dinner. I couldn't have managed without you guys. After graduation we enjoyed a couple months of family time and vacations, but then prepared for uprooting to Laramie. Between moving, helping Will get ready for law school and applying for various part-time jobs for myself, the pace of life continued just as franticly as ever. Once I started working 20+ hours a week, I began studying for the MPRE (a multi-state ethics exam) in November. We juggled baby time, and did the best we could. I then went through the arduous and expensive application process for the Bar Exam, (including a whirlwind trip to UT) and started planning out my study time. We had prayed and felt good about taking the UT bar in February, but looking back I wonder if I was simply left to my agency so that further down the road I would be primed for receiving a valuable life-lesson. As the year was drawing a close, I had a constant pit in my stomach, wondering how I would be able to accomplish all that I felt I needed to do.Will was also struggling a bit to get in the time he needed to for school, but because he sensed my stress he didn't complain. On top of all that, we learned Olivia was likely going to need eye surgery, patching and possible therapy in the upcoming months. And now describing our situation it is no wonder that something had to give. Let's just say I'm a slow learner.

It all came crashing down December 15th when I learned that I did not pass the ethics exam for the state of UT. FAIL? That has never happened to me. Barely passing - I can handle that - but fail? My "master plan" was crumbling. I would have to retake the test within a week of taking the bar exam, which meant doubling up on the study time. And where was I going to find any extra time? I had thought my preparation was sufficient for the MPRE, and I was squeezing study in to every extra moment I had. And for the bar I was already going to have to severely increase my study time - hopefully to 20 hours/week for 2 months, which is still half of what most bar candidates do. And in order to find those extra 20 hours/week, I was going to have to find full-time day care for Livvy. My heart aches to admit that I was considering such a schedule. But in my mind I could justify two months of chaos for the potential to earn more and work less - or even from home, so I could spend more time with Olivia (and any future siblings) in the long run while Will finished school. But now the biggest fear had surfaced - WHAT IF I MADE ALL THIS ADDITIONAL SACRIFICE AND STILL ENDED UP FAILING THE BAR?

I came home that day and just cried. Olivia watched and gave me a hug and I just held her while I slowly let it all out. Will came home that evening and while he was shocked to hear the news, he was supportive and open to a course change if that is what I decided to do. To withdraw my application meant a forfeit of $500, not an easy pill to swallow when your struggling to make ends meet. He gave me a blessing that evening that just spoke to my soul - it addressed all my concerns, doubts and fears. I was reassured that Heavenly Father was proud of the decisions I had made up to this point in my life, and I was reminded that I had felt guided to attend law school and that I had been given the opportunity and capacity to finish. While taking the bar is a good thing, I was counseled to consider it in the context of the best things of life. I have stretched myself over these past few months, and we have seen miracles. But Olivia is now at a stage where she is very eager to learn, and is likely to require some special attention these next few months. As the blessing finished, I knew without a doubt what the best things in my life were - Will, Olivia, and the future Spirits to come. I felt prompted to read Mosiah 4:27, which has become my motto for this year:

And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order;

for it is not requisite that a woman should run faster than she has strength.

And again, it is expedient that she should be diligent,

that thereby she might win the prize;

therefore, all things must be done in order.

As I read this verse, the word "order" took on a whole new meaning. Before I thought of it as "tidiness", "organization" or "cleanliness", or that things are done step by step, in a proper chronological order. And while all these may be true, I was missing a most important interpretation - All things must be done in order of priority. In other words, we must sort through all the potential good out there, and make sure we are focusing on the BEST.

President Uchtdorf's last conference address couldn't have been more timely. And while I wish I could include all parts of his talk that touched me, the general message is as follows:

When stress levels rise, when distress appears, when tragedy strikes, too often we attempt to keep up the same frantic pace or even accelerate,

thinking somehow that the more rushed our pace, the better off we will be...

Brothers and sisters, we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes,

and truly see the things that matter most...

If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing,

then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most...

Let us simplify our lives a little. Let us make the changes necessary to refocus our lives on the sublime beauty of the simple, humble path of Christian discipleship—

the path that leads always toward a life of meaning, gladness, and peace.

And that about sums it all up for me. A simple solution to my seemingly complex situation. So I decided to "de-complicate" my life - starting with a withdrawal of my bar application. Once that decision was made, a huge burden lifted from off my shoulders. That pit in my stomach was gone, and was replaced with peace and reassurance.

A couple weeks later I was able to visit the temple. During the session the word "order" kept popping into my mind - and I was given the distinct impression that it was up to me to establish a house of order. No, that does not mean I needed to run home and clean :) - it means that if I do not see to our top priorities being met in our home, then the things that matter most will fall through the cracks and become neglected. It means that I need not worry when good things fall by the wayside while I focus on establishing a house founded on the essentials of the gospel. It means I need to assume a more facilitative and supportive role in our family, by temporarily setting aside some personal accomplishments for the overall achievements of our family.

Lesson learned.

Well, while you all have seemed to grasp these principles much more adeptly than I, I still wanted to share my recent journey through this crazy thing called womanhood.

Next lesson? How do I cope with having to drop Olivia off at day care for two afternoons a week? Tuesday was her first day - she did great but I'm a wreck! Today she did okay, but only slept for 1/2 an hour. BOO!

New Baby, New Understanding

Maya Jessica Garcia, January 12th, 2011.
It is funny how life continues on after bringing a new baby into the world. It is such a beautiful miracle, and it amazes me that she is one of Heavenly Father's spirit children sent to our family to experience life and receive a physical body. It is something I want to shout from the rooftop and stop time for a moment to absorb how sacred it is. I think everyone should stop what they are doing and marvel at this beautiful spirit that has come to our family! But, after I am home and I see that life continues on (the house still needs to be cleaned, bills still need to be paid, and I still need to go back to work), I realize that Heavenly Father has a lot of trust and confidence in us women to be mothers to these little spirits. Not only to bring them into the world, but to raise them and teach them, day in and day out. The miracle of motherhood is not just giving birth, although that is an amazing thing. The miracle of motherhood is that we can be such a force for good throughout the course of our children's lives in a world that is missing too many "good" mothers. I am so grateful and humbled to be in this position. I am also so grateful to be surrounded by so many amazing women and mothers (Thank you sisters!!!) who show me what really good mommies are like.

Mormon Mommy Blogs - an interesting perspective

Hi Ladies. I just read an interesting article that I wanted to share with you:

Feminist Obsessed With Mormon Blogs

It was thought provoking and made me want to post more on our mommy blog! I appreciated the author's candidness, humor and honest confession about her fascination with Mormon moms and the lives they lead.

Sometimes I forget how unique our lives and attitudes are to the world, and how liberating it can be to embrace those things that truly bring happiness, like marriage and motherhood. That doesn't mean our lives are spot-free or effortless, but compared to the degrading worldly forces that seek to demean women, I can appreciate that on the whole my life is "uplifting" and genuinely happy.

So read it and let me know what you think!

A New Dawn, A New Day, and I'm Feelin' Good

Hello ladies! Today I feel like ruminating on the fresh feelings of a new year. 2011... You know your old when the current year sounds like it's out of a Sci-Fi movie. Hahaha. What a great time to be alive! Jessy's emails are proof that every day the gospel of Jesus Christ grows stronger in the hearts of humanity. I often focus too much on the growing evil and godlessness of our society. The truth is that the good in the world is growing right along with the evil, and luckily, we know the end of the story so why not rejoice?!

I think that general pattern in the world of evil and good growing alongside each other happens in our individual lives. Just when we get comfortable, just when we feel like we're on top of things and can actually succeed in our lives, another hurdle comes along. To me, those hurdles always feel evil. I always think, "I was barely able to scrape over the last hurdle and this new one is so much taller! I'll never make it!"

I heard something this week and now I can't even remember where. (I think it was in my new Brad Wilcox book The Continuous Atonement - let me know if you want to borrow it!) He was talking about the scripture, "Be still and know that I am God." He said that's well and good when you are able to Be Still. But what about those moments when you can't be still. When your human emotions and circumstances (and hormones) make it impossible for your mind to slow down enough to feel that peace? He said that the principle works the same when you flip it around to read, "Know that I am God, and Be Still." That may seem redundant but the spirit spoke peace to me. Almost like it was saying, "Do you know that he is God? Then you can Be Still." No matter what the confusion or the trial I will always know what I know. And because of that I will always have the power to Be Still.

Anyway, back to my original topic. I have been refreshed to remember that the good always grows with the bad and that the good always wins out in the end. That means my feeble attempts at having a stricter budget this year ARE going to make a difference to my family! I already ran out of grocery money for the month (hahaha) so I had to make so bread yesterday for dinner. Looks like we'll be living on whatever's in the freezer and canned goods for the rest of the month. (At least there's still money in the Dates category so we'll have at least one more good meal this month.) Here's to a new year and choices and changes that actually make a difference!