Amidst the immense blessings our family has received lately (pregnancy, callings, a new job, etc.), the Lord has not forgotten to further our education of life through experience.
Usually Conference weekend is a time of reflection, instruction, inspiration, meditation, and even a bit of relaxation. There have been past Conferences when I have come away a new person, resolved to live life more purposefully. This last Conference weekend, however, was unusual and unorthodox for our little family. The result has eventually been the same--I have come away a different and even better person, but the instruction came in a very different form. Instead of soaking in the wisdom of our prophets from the comfort of a couch, my instruction came through a real "hands-on" experience--an opportunity to learn amidst trial.
As you all know, early Sunday morning I got a text from Willie saying he was in the ER. Expecting the worst, I called him and he said he had been up all night with intense abdominal pain, and finally, after trying everything possible, he knelt and prayed asking for help. He got the immediate impression that he should go to the hospital. So even though he was doubled over in pain, he drove himself to the ER. They ran a few tests and determined that he was having appendicitis and would need immediate surgery to remove his appendix. And of course I am not there! I got off the phone with him and you all started to help us pack up our car and leave immediately for Wyoming. Within a half-hour we were on the road back home. Now that was an interesting drive. I had recently heard of several incidents where a young husband and father had passed away leaving his family, and I couldn’t help but think about what it would be like to lose Will. Amidst the turmoil and a few tears that this thought brought, an overwhelming sense of peace came to me. I came to know that even if I were called to go through such an intense and unfathomable trial, nothing really would change for me. I would not believe any less in Heavenly Father’s plan for me – in fact I would rely upon it even more. It would not change what I had learned as a missionary, it would not change what I know about the power of the Atonement, although there is no doubt that I would have much more reason to draw upon that power. Basically, what I realized is that in any trial we ultimately have two choices – Do I draw closer to Christ or turn my back on Him? There is no middle ground. And if I make it a habit to always turn to Him in the small challenges, then I can be assured that I will do the same when the earth-shattering trials come along. Before this incident, I don’t know if I would have been able to answer those questions about myself. But on that drive home, the Lord taught me a thing or two about who I am, and about His plan for me.
So while I did not get the chance to learn from the Lord via his prophets that Conference Sunday, he still made sure I received the instruction and comfort I needed, and it came straight from Him.
Liz, I am SO GLAD everything is okay now with Will. It's funny, and perhaps a little sad, that we sometimes don't utilize the power and comfort of the atonement until we are faced with something we can not go through alone. I wish I would rely more on my Savior with the little things! Maybe all of you are better at this than me, but I am still trying to figure out how to really apply the atonement in my daily life, so that when we move forward with immigration, or I have another baby, or something else BIG happens in our life, it won't be as earth-shattering for me... Any suggestions??? Have any of you really felt the power of the atonement on a daily basis? If so, what do you think was the true source of that power? Scriptures? Prayer? Service? Introspection? All of the above? (Please say no to the last one - I am terrible at introspection, hence the lack in journal writing...)
ReplyDeleteHoly smokes Lizzy.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know what to type. I am very moved. ...for many reasons. I love what you said about using your small(er) trials as practice in turning to Christ for guidance and strength. Because those big(er) trials will hit us all. I feel like all my sisters have had their share of incredible trials already. I'm not sure when I'll be blessed with mine, or what form it will come in.
But I sometimes imagine things like that as well. What if... what if I lost my husband or either one of my sweet babies. Of all life's trials, it seems like those would be the hardest to survive!
But Lizzy you are such an example--I love that it took not even a second for you to realize how strong your faith would be in even the worst trial imaginable.
I need some serious practice in making that decision in my day-to-day downers.
I am sitting here at work and have several patients with chronic life-altering diseases. How would it be to NEVER be able to clear your throat on your own again, or be understood when you are trying to communicate something, or be comfortable in bed ever again because you cannot move a muscle. Or worse yet...not be able to be there for your little children again because you just found out you have to spend the rest of your life in a facility because of some newly diagnosed disease. Oh my gosh guys, I have heard several of the saddest stories tonight!
Like you said Lizzy, you hear these things and you realize that they happen--and someday similar things will happen to us. Who will we be? Who will we trust? I love that you said Heavenly Father taught you a lot about yourself. I imagine that is one of the most comforting/calming realizations we can ever come to: if(when) you are TRULY pushed to the ground, you know you'll be OK because you will trust in only one who can sustain you.
Wow I am really going off! I'm so sorry...graveyard brain is in full swing!
Lizzy I liked your post. There. :)
Haha, Sar, you are funny. You have already passed through some serious trials of faith and you are a lot stronger than you think!
ReplyDeleteAs for applying/feeling the atonement on a daily basis, for me it mostly comes through prayer. Every night when I account to my Father in Heaven for what I did with my time and talents that day, I unfailingly need to rely on the Atonement for something. Whether it is for a blundering mistake I made, a dismal dreary feeling that won't go away, an incessant worry, or a physical ailment, I try to place it in the hands of the Lord. I'm not perfect at this, but I've been made whole through the Atonement so many times and in so many ways that I would be a complete idiot to not continue to do so.
But I'm just talking from my experience - and we may experience the power and effets of the atonement in different ways. Those other things you mentioned (scriptures, service, introspection and journal writing) all help me feel the Spirit, which is the medium through which the Atonement is realized. But it is primarily when I address my Father, soul to soul, that I experience a deep comprehension of how the Atonement is cleansing, sustaining, and healing me, little by little, one day at a time.
And Nanny, I liked your comment too. You are constantly witnessing people at the end of their rope, and undoubtedly your line of work instigates some deep reflection. For that I am a bit jealous -- you are a healer. You are in the ultimate service profession, even more than a doctor. You bring a smile where there is nothing but sadness, you uplift and give encouragement in ways that no one else can. How much more Christlike can a job be? Having recently spent a night in the hospital, I am amazed at how much light a nurse can bring to a dreary situation.
ReplyDeleteI know work is work, and we all wish we didn't have to do it, but I admire you for what you do.
I love my sisters.
ReplyDeleteHave I told you guys that enough?
The biggest challenge I have in using the atonement every day is pride. I think, I should be able to do everything on my own, and if I don't, I'm not working hard enough. I get into that mindset where I have to give my ALL BEFORE He can come in and make the difference. But the thing I forget is, Jesus Christ cares about every little thing in my life and is there to help me through it NOW. I know I need the atonement for repentance every day (maybe if I repented more my pride would go down...hmmm), but the atonement is also such an ENABLING POWER! Something I rarely tap into because... well... I forget. It's that whole living beneath our privileges thing.
I do rely on Him a lot for my calling because I can't even pretend to be enough for those girls. But I know I could rely on Him a whole lot more as the spiritual heart of my family. It's all just so much more personal at home, so much more informal, undefined, and never-ending. It's harder to know what we need His help to do. I think I'm going to pray about it... about one thing more I could be doing for the emotional/spiritual well-being of my family.
Just ONE thing though... I get overwhelmed so easily ;)