All of this talk of fulfilling our personal missions fits perfectly into what has been on my mind lately. I need to be a missionary to my family. I want to start now building the testimonies of my boys and strengthening my husband. I have been worrying/wondering about it for a while, trying to know what I can do. Obviously that is the wrong question to ask...
So the other night I was so tired so I laid down to sleep and decided to just say a prayer in my head. Heavenly Father doesn't care about my position right? Well... He did that night. I distinctly felt the impression to kneel down and pray. I got to my knees and began praying when another impression came: be quiet and listen. I brushed it off and tried to talk over it but again it came: be quiet and listen, I have something to tell you...
What makes you think YOU can affect the testimony of anyone? No wonder you are frustrated, you have forgotten who's work this is. Remember how it felt to be a tool in my hands? To be given words and ideas above your own? You achieved that level of effectiveness with the spirit on your mission because you sacrificed to get it. The more of yourself you gave to me, the more WE could reach the hearts of those around you. Stop trying to do everything by yourself. How? Well how did every day start on your mission? A personal meeting with me in the scriptures and your study journal. Reading scriptures at night will bring you daily peace and even teach and inspire you. But reading scriptures in the morning is how I can prepare you to teach and inspire others. There is so much more I can make of you. And if you truly desire to be a tool in my hands, this is the sacrifice I require. I know your day starts early with your children, but what if you gave me 20-30 min before giving yourself to them?
Honestly I didn't know how to respond to that last question because I didn't know. I had never done that before. I managed a mumbled, "Thank you" before closing my prayer. I knew what He was asking of me and wondered what on earth He had to teach me that was so important.
Well, this morning was my first morning of waking up early and my studies took me to 2 Timothy 2:6-26. It starts out with "The husbandman that laboreth must be first partaker of the fruits." In other words, how can we share something we are not feasting on daily? It goes on to talk about sanctifying yourself first, before you can be "meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work." It ends by saying how meek instruction will allow others to " recover themselves out of the snare of the devil."
That last part hit me hard. Even if I partake of the fruit every day, become sanctified, and teach with the Holy Spirit in meekness it is still up to every member of my family to recover themselves eventually. For a control freak mom like myself that's hard to hear. But I know it's true. And why worry endlessly about their agency when I'm not even in a place to be the influence they need! There is so much I can do and become through the Lord's help to give them the best possible opportunity of finding lasting faith. So basically the Lord said, "Stop worrying about what you cannot control, it is hindering you becoming the tool I will need in their lives! Become the true and divine YOU and the choice for them will be simple."
I love you ladies. Thanks for letting me share. I'm not saying everyone has to get up early for a personal meeting with the Lord, I just know that I need to during this chapter of my life to be what my family needs.
Ah, THANK YOU, Emmy. I have been wondering and feeling this lately, and you just put it into words perfectly. I often wonder how to be an influence to my husband and children without nagging, or telling them what to do all the time. I want to be a positive influence, not just an influence. It's hard for me to give up that control of what I think needs to be done and ordering everyone to fall in line. :) I know I need to be the example first, then I can LOVINGLY lead my children, guide them, and walk beside them as the Lord leads and guides me. As for my husband, I think the influence of just seeing me dedicate more time to the Lord will effect him to do the same. I will be honest, ever since I was released from Young Women my personal prayer and study have been lacking. Why would I feel I needed that SO much for them, but not for my own family? Why don't I feel the urgency with my own two year old that I did for those twelve year olds?
ReplyDeleteThank you, Emmy, for this post. I NEEDED it right now in my life! There is more to be done with my family by Heavenly Father, through me, and I need to align myself better in order to be that instrument. I can be so much more effective and in a more grand way than if I rely upon my own understanding. I need to be closer to Heavenly Father, that's all there is to it.
What would I do without sisters to remind me to continually try a little harder to be a little better?! I would not be where I am today, I can tell you that! I am SO grateful for all of your examples!!! Love you Emmy!