I just finished writing Sistah Nay in Thailand. Ah, I love and miss that girl terribly. I will be honest, looking back at my few short years of living, I have a tiny tinge of regret not serving a mission. At the time I really don't think I was prepared to do it. But now? I would be out there in a heart beat. I often wonder how it would change my life and my convictions in the gospel, and how it could have made me a better mom and wife. I also wonder if there were people I was supposed to reach, but shyed away from the responsibility. Then, I found this quote by Sheri Dew and it helped me feel a little better about what can be done NOW, instead of worrying about what I could have done.
"With the exception of those serving full-time missions, we needn't don name badges or knock on doors to help build the kingdom. For though some would portray us as dowdy and dominated rather than the dynamic, radiant women we are, no woman is more persuasive, no woman has greater influence for good, no woman is a more vibrant instrument in the hands of the Lord than a woman of God who is THRILLED TO BE WHO SHE IS. I like to think of us as the Lord's secret weapon. If we did have name tags, I would want mine to read: "Sheri Dew, Woman of God, Busy Building the Kingdom of God."
I think I would want my name tag to say, "Sarah Garcia, Woman of God, Taking Time and Effort to Love."
What would yours say???
I love this post! Thank you, Sarah, for writing it. Honestly I don't know what my name tag would say... Today it feels like: Emily Ross, Too Busy to Help Anybody, Including Herself. Ha. But I know that's not true, it's merely my bad attitude. It's a rut and an excuse I have created for myself ever since I had the boys. I have to find a way to start feeling normal again. It's way too easy for me to throw myself a pity party.
ReplyDeleteIt's like I was telling Amanda and Sarah tonight at dinner. I have never wanted to be anything more than a Mother. It's been my life's goal and my greatest joy! And even knowing how hard it can be I wouldn't change it for the world. But I feel like I'm such weakling! Like my threshold for being overwhelmed is so low. I've got to toughen up some how, take care of me along the way so I don't burn out so quickly. I just don't know how to do that. I feel like it's lazy to take a break or relax. And even when I do it doesn't really recharge me, I just end up feeling more guilty for not getting anything done.
I know, I know, I have some issues. But I think the answer lies not in resting but in staying busy with a VARIETY of things. That's all I need. So I'll have to figure out what my name tag would say... I'll get back to you. Thanks! Love you all so much!
Oh Sar! I often feel guilty for having served a mission and then not being a better person, mom and wife as a result! Honestly, I don't think it is a mission or any other official calling that shapes us into the person we have the potential to become, but like Sheri Dew said, it's being thrilled to be WHO WE ARE and then living out our entire life as if it were our full-time mission. Honestly, I believe our guilt can really be a hindrance - it causes us to feel discouraged and be critical of ourselves and those closest to us.
ReplyDeleteAbout a month ago I was struggling, feeling guilty for all the things I wasn't doing - in my calling, as a mom, wife, employee, housekeeper, member of the church, daugther of God, etc. My husband caught the brunt of my sour mood/worry wort/pity party, and he actually chastised me! After basically telling me to buck up and get a grip, he told me that I was called to all these roles for a reason, and that the Lord has something specific for me to do in each role. He said the Lord doesn't expect me to do and be everything, I was the only one expecting that of myself. But the Lord does have certain priorities for me to fulfill in each role, and it is up to me to find out what those crucial things are, and then focus my efforts on those things. What a relief for me to hear those words! It was a great reminder for me to go to the Lord and ask Him to enlighten me with His will, to learn where I should begin and where I should focus, and for help in just letting the other stuff go. You are probably thinking – “DUH” – but it was as if someone had turned the lights on my confused and dreary state. Heavenly Father really doesn’t expect us to do and be everything to everyone – he just wants us to learn about and fulfill our specifically tailored mission here on earth. That much I can handle, because I know that the Savior “reaches my reaching.” In other words, He meets me where I am, and does not wait for me to reach a certain level of ability or righteousness before he will step in and assist.
Not sure if that is entirely related to your post, but that was my train of thought. As for my name tag? Right now something like this seems appropriate: Elizabeth Harnish. A Daughter of God. Doing my Best to Fulfill the Lord’s Will, One Day at a Time.
Em - You are WAY too hard on yourself! I don't think you realize how LOW all of our thresholds are! I take care of my two girls for a few hours in the morning, and when they go down for a nap all I want to do is lay on the couch and watch ANYTHING but Mickey and Barney!!! Don't be too hard on yourself. Like Liz said, feeling too guilty and being too critical is just a hindrance. I do agree that laying down to watch TV just makes matters worse sometimes, but whatever it is that takes you away from being a mom/wife for a moment while being productive is a good thing. You'll find it, I'm sure. I've been going to the gym at 9:30 PM just to have a little "me" time!
ReplyDeleteLiz - Your insights always inspire as well. You are such an amazing example of turning to the Lord to find out what it is you should be doing and finding out how He wants to use your unique talents. Keep up the good work, and enjoy the journey!
You are both doing a great job at doing what the Lord needs you to do. Emily with her intution and always following it, and Liz with her search for that intuition! :) I love you both so much!!!
I have GOT to set it up to get an email when someone posts! Hello 3 weeks later!
ReplyDeleteSar, thanks for your post. I have been there with you in feeling this way. I have received many answers to prayers concerning this, and I have experienced a change of perspective as a result. But every so often I dip back down into the dangerous world of "what if". I have come to realize that these moments of regret often show up when I'm struggling--either in my role as mother or wife, in a calling, or even just an overall feeling of personal inadequacy.
When these times come, I call upon Heavenly Father for an answer--did I screw up by not serving You as a missionary? I feel dumb when I ask it, because I know what my answer was at the time of the decision: that I will have the opportunity to fulfill my life's mission whether I decide to wear a name tag or not. I know that not everyone gets this answer in regards to serving a mission. I know that there are many people who are indeed sent here in part to serve a mission.
But I also remember feeling a great responsibility when I chose not to go. That I would need to be anxiously engaged in the spirit to be able to accomplish what I was sent to do. And every time I fall into the pity party of "should I have...", I get the same answer. "It didn't matter then, and it doesn't matter now--for you it's not name tag or no name tag, it's BEING a missionary or not--to your husband, to your kids, to your neighbors, your friends, your family, your co-workers, and complete strangers. PROCLAIM MY GOSPEL...In word and deed." I have learned so much about missionary work since then...and I am trying to do what He has asked me to do.
I'm with ya, Sarah--my modified name tag would echo yours. I know I just need to love. To pray for more love. So much love that it starts coming out my ears. I am no longer shy or self-conscious, now I need to follow your lead and "take time."
I hope you know that YOU are my role model in this very thing Sarah!!
Oh Liz, I LOVE your input. Crazy that you sometimes feel guilty for having served. What a lousy thought from the adversary. But you're right about the things that can hinder: guilt, regret, feeling inadequate or overwhelmed. You are so wise.
And Emmy, when you figure out your methods of recharging that actually WORK, please share with all of us! Parenting TWO kids is a challenge I was not fully prepared for.
Okay, I love Liz's line, "guilt makes you hard not only on yourself but on those around you." Wow. That is probably the biggest problem that Nate and I have. I start feeling inadequate and I take it all out on him. Poor guy. But at least he's like Willy and he'll push back :) But what a valuable red flag to help me resolve my more basic problem.
ReplyDeleteAnd Amanda, I got the same answer when praying about a mission. Basically my answer was, "you can if you want to." I don't think I'm one of those who was called from the foundations of the earth to serve, but I'm grateful for the opportunity.
One thing became abundantly clear while I was there. I would see someone get baptized with no support system and fall away only weeks later. I knew they had received true answers so I wondered why they couldn't hold on to the truth. I thought, "everyone just needs an assigned pair of lifetime missionaries to help support them in their testimonies..." Then I realized that my great idea was already laid out in the proclamation to the family :)
I received a very strong impression that the most valuable missionary work I would ever do would be within the walls of my own home.
Sar, I love you! You are so thoughtful and so wise. Thanks for starting this discussion!