I know that it's because I didn't take the opportunity to see Lizzy enough while she was here, but I have been so Lizzy-Sick the last few days I can hardly stand it! So I just wanted you to know, Liz, how grateful I am for you.
Honestly, I don't know how you survived without a big sister growing up. Every time we get together I feel like we are missing our leader! I feel a hole in our conversations and our fun without you. Life is SO SO SO SO much easier when you have a big sister who tests the waters of life first and helps you along the way with her experience and love. Being the oldest in a family takes so much tenacity, patience, and humor to survive! You, Liz, are the perfect oldest sibling.
Yes, we had our minor altercations (haha), but they were always short-lived. I relied on you far more than I ever disagreed with you. But what I'm realizing lately is how much I STILL need you! You are living proof that the harmony between Dad's shrewd intellect and love of life and Mom's unconditional love is possible in one human being.
All of your sisters want to be like you. I think I've had several people comment to me throughout my life that it must be hard to live in your shadow. But following after you has always reminded me of the saying, "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars." Sorry, I know this is really mushy, but that's what I bring to the table right?
You are the strongest woman I know. Thank you for your continued good example of faith, courage, and the ability to be joyful! Mostly, the purpose of this post is to let you know how much I miss you, admire you, and love you!
I second this emotion! Thank you, Emmers, for this mushy post. :) I agree with all you said, and I also want Lizzy to know that I love her and admire her.
ReplyDeleteIt's true, that family get-togethers are just not the same without you. Sister nights are almost sad without you and Jessy!!! You are sorely missed, both you and Olivia! Oh, and Will too. :) I always feel so uplifted and encouraged when I am with you, and I feel it missing when you are gone. Emily described how amazing you are so well, I'm afraid I can't ever put things as beautifully as she does, but I feel the same way as her. Thank you for being the wonderful older sister you have always been. I know we tease you a lot about being a "trenchable" older sister, but you have been an angel to me in my life and I can't thank you enough for all you have done. I LOVE YOU!!!
How do I comment on such a post?
ReplyDeleteI miss you guys too! You don't know how difficult it was to leave after the boys' party. I was leaving home already homesick! Over the few days we had there, it just became very apparent all that we are missing living here in Wyoming. I know that we are where we are for a reason, even various reasons, but its difficult when I know the price to be paid is time lost with my best friends/sisters, and even more troublesome is the time Olivia misses with her cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. So needless to say, the drive home did not find me in high spirits.
But I have to let Debbie Downer go (it's just not me), and instead strive to look for the good within our circumstance, and just simply plan a few more trips home. That's really all I can do.
As for the content of this post, I can't help but feel it is undeserving. You don’t know how humbling it is to be oldest of five spiritual, talented and intelligent siblings. Especially over the past few years, as you all have blossomed into incredible mothers, while Matt and Jess have become strong, capable individuals. I feel like I am the one lucky to be in your shadows, gleaning from your wisdom and experience.
Being the oldest has sometimes required that I learn how to lead, but more often than not it has required that I learn humility and how to follow -- to follow your examples as loving and forgiving wives, fun playful moms, caring and generous friends, and devoted disciples of Christ. While I once felt like I was leader of the pack, I now feel like I am being pushed from behind. Thank you for pushing me to be a better version of myself.
That said, this post and Sar’s comment mean a great deal to me, as I still struggle with guilt for the big sister I wasn’t. I wish I had been more emotionally mature to be able to express then what you guys have always meant to me. Em calls it mush, but I call it mature, appropriate, and necessary. I wish I had been more courageous to stand up, intervene and protect you from the difficult circumstances within our family. I guess I just relied on humor to hopefully get us through.
So your post was very timely, Em. I thank you for following the prompting to write it. I love and miss you too!
First of all to Sarah... If I had to choose between expressing and showing love, I would definitely choose the latter. I don't know anyone who more consistently and completely SHOWS love to her friends and family. I feel guilty being your sister sometimes because I know I don't take care of you as much as you have always taken care of me. You wishing you had my gift of expression is like a butterfly wishing it was a moth!! Haha! Please don't change anything. We need you just the way you are. I promise to try for the rest of my life to be as kind and thought of you as you are to all of us.
ReplyDeleteSecond to Lizzy... I take full responsibility for you thinking you were not the best big sis growing up. Obviously I was jealous of you so I took it upon myself to be the one to bring you down a couple notches whenever I could to make me look better. I'm so sorry. That is not my mission anymore!! The opposite in fact! Your humor was exactly what we needed. It said everything - that you liked being with us, that you wanted us to smile, that everything would be okay somehow. It was your gift that lead us through. Thank you for your strength. You did protect us more than you know. I'm so sorry I've ever made you think otherwise. Thank you!
Third to Amanda... Who can think about her incredible sisters without thinking about Amanda? There we were, all stuck in the college/independent/insecure mindset, terrified of taking the next step into family life, and here comes Manda! She was like, "I know what Heavenly Father has spoken to my heart, it's gonna work out, I'm goin in..." We all watched with admiration as you forged the new territory of compassion and compromise in marriage. Then we watched with inspiration as you showed us how motherhood is the sweetest experience in life. You are... how do I say this... the most gentle and sweet Naegle sister. You HAD to go first this time to show all your "girl-power" sisters how it was done! (I know you are still very "girl-power" compared to most women, but compared to your older sisters you are a marshmallow - haha) Thank you!