We all know that pregnancy makes you a little emotional. (HA! Understatement of the CENTURY in my case.) Last night I was exhausted. I had spent all day yesterday on my feet--the same feet who have been really struggling to hold the extra weight of my gigantic ankles. My back and hips were barely mobile...I felt like I had just been hit by a truck!
Anyhoo, in the midst of such incredible exhaustion, I couldn't even sleep. Go figure. When I realized I hadn't even prayed yet, I immediately got to my knees. I started praying and I just felt so...blaa. As I continued on, I was frustrated that I couldn't get a different feeling. Tears came because I knew that it was ME that was keeping that wall up between me and the wonderful warmth of the Spirit. I laid back down and cried a little longer. I just felt BLUE! And I couldn't even begin to figure out why.
Just then, Shelby woke up crying. I went in to find her coughing and grabbing at her throat as she squeaked and croaked: "Owie, Mommy, owie." I gave her some Tylenol and poured some juice in a sippy, and rocked her until she calmed down. I ran my fingers across her forehead as she drifed back into sleep. And before I even realized it, I felt better. I felt warm. I felt the Spirit. I laid her back down, and she said with a lisp through her binkie, "Kisses?" I kissed her head and she closed her eyes with a smile.
I went back to bed and prayed again, this time with the Spirit so strong. I tried to stay awake long enough to hear the meaning of what just happened. Something about serve serve serve...and you'll forget your sorrows. And then I was asleep.
I think I learn this lesson over and over. And over. We are healed through our service.
As moms, I know we pretty much serve all day long, mostly without a thanks...or ANY type of acknowledgment, for that matter. And it's doable most of the time--it's part of the job! And NOT needing to see ALL the fruits of our labor is part of becoming like Christ, right?
But then...Heavenly Father also knows what we need when we really need it. And I'm so glad that sometimes He allows us to see the full result of our efforts. When this happens, it's like tossing in a quarter in getting back $100. Last night I was able to see what I meant to that little munchkin, and that I made her whole world "all better". And in that process, I had COMPLETELY forgotten my own heartache.
So was it the mom blues, prego blues, or just plain blues? Who cares. What got me into that funk is unknown, but what got me out was focusing on someone else. How soon before the next time I need to re-learn this, I wonder?
Ah, Manda, how tender! You have such a wonderful little girl, and you are such an amazing mom. I think that forgetting our sorrows and serving our children will be a lesson learned a million times, and it's something I don't know if I will ever conquer. Thank you for the reminder!
ReplyDeleteEmily and I were talking on our drive home Saturday night about serving and she brought up the amazing example of President Monson and his service. I think there is some great wisdom in how he has lived his life, and being a mother gives us the BEST opportunities to serve every day! You’re right though, it’s sometimes thankless and all our service goes unseen, but the most important people are the ones observing and thanking us: Heavenly Father and our children. I think the spirit you felt that night was Heavenly Father saying ‘thank you’ for taking care of My beautiful daughter, Shelby. And, although our children don’t say “thank you” all day, you know Shelby was feeling it in her heart that night and she is so grateful to have you for a mommy.
You’re the first in our family to have a baby, and we all look at you as such a great example. Thank you! I love you! Keep up the good work. :)
Wow Nan, I love your post - it made me fill like I was just sitting in your kitchen and you were telling me your experience. I agree with Sar, you are such a good example of selfless service, especially as a mommy. Shelby is a lucky girl, and the best part is that I think she knows it. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree - I am the most happy when I figure out ways to forget myself and focus on others.
ReplyDeleteFirst I have to say that I agree with Sarah. You are such a good example of mommyhood to all of us! All of you are an inspiration to me when it comes to serving your children. I think serving to overcome is a lesson we will never really master in this life. We will all have our moments of "poor me!"
ReplyDeleteBut your story reminded me of something our old pal Glenn Beck said. There are two words that every good parent wants to hear. Two words that mean you are a wonderful parent... What are those words? "Help me." When you hear that, you know you are wanted, needed, trusted, and loved as a parent. So if that is true for us, what about our Heavenly Father? How much more, in all His perfection, does He want to hear His children say, "help me"?
Amanda, you don't seem speak your mind when it comes to negative sentiments as easily as the rest of your sisters (no offense Liz and Sarah, it's usually a good/healthy thing, haha!) And honestly I want to try to be more like you in that respect... you're so positive, so long-suffering! I had no idea you were struggling on Saturday (a terrible admission).
Anyways, I'll get to the point. It's okay to complain to Heavenly Father! It feels silly. I feel like a little brat throwing a tantrum while I pray sometimes. But I've learned from experience that He cannot help me understand and elevate my feelings until I'm totally honest about them.
So that's my two cents... or is that more like three dollars worth?
Wowie. I've got the best sisters. Thanks for your comments and advice. You guys are right--I think we are blessed as mommies with little ones who NEED US to serve them. And even though it makes us tired and stressed and just plain ornery, fulfilling their need also ends up making us happier than we can make ourselves.
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