I think I know why we are intended to have both a mom and a dad.
My wonderful husband happens to be a psychology major. Before you start thinking what a tender-hearted, right-brained man he must be, let me quickly tell you he ditched that avenue and went into business. He decided he wouldn't be very successful as a therapist if he told his clients to "buck up and get over it." He did, however, come away with one concept from his studies: behavior modification. For one (lame-o) class he took, he trained a rat to do various things in order to get food. He watched as the rat named Roy did whatever he thought was necessary to get what he wanted.
Needless to say, our sweet 2-year-old daughter Shelby is the new Roy the rat. Her dad is determined to eliminate any whining or crying from her by consciously not rewarding that behavior in any way. This has been a parenting struggle between my sweet husband and I. Of course, I don't want to end up with a whiny 14 year old, who wants that? However, I might be labeled by some as "a bit of a softy." (Quotation marks on purpose, that may or may not have been said to me the other night.)
So last night, we were almost asleep around 11:00pm when I heard a sudden cry out for help. Shelby had been asleep for over 2 hours and woke up crying--in this case I usually pin a bad dream as the culprit. This time, I decided to give this whole "behavior modification" theory a try. I lie in bed starting at the ceiling as I listened to her say through her sobs, "Mommy mommy mommy...." while she sobbed some more. This continued a few minutes more (hours if you ask me), and eventually she quieted down and fell asleep. It was official: I was heartbroken. 10 minutes later I got up to check on her; she was rolled up in the corner of her crib, gripping her blankie tightly. I brought her to the middle, put a pillow under her head and pulled a blanket over her. I bent down and kissed her sweet head as a tear rolled down my face.
I climbed back into bed, and Travis put his arm around me, asking me if everything was ok. I whispered that it wasn't, that I was heartbroken. I said this whole parenting thing is going to require balance. But first and foremost, I am this tender little girl's mother. Among all my duties to her, my number one job is to love her until I turn blue; to provide loving arms when she needs comfort. My job as her earthly mommy is to do what her heavenly mommy would do if she were here. Trav gave me a hug and whispered that he understood.
This morning when she made her first peep, I took her with her binkie and blankie and held her in the rocking chair, watching her slowly wake up. She just gazed in my eyes for a few moments. When she saw my eyes squint into a smile, hers immediately followed suit. We were healed.
At the end of the day, when this whole parenting thing is over, my biggest regret wouldn't be that I didn't discipline her enough--it would be that I didn't love her enough. And so, I am here to do both, but mostly love.
Besides, who wants to snuggle a rat named Roy? He doesn't need his mommy the way Shelby needs me. :)
Oh Roy! I remember stories of Roy :) I love this principle. I believe it will become a common theme of this blog. And we'll need the reminder often, that in all our comings and goings, our children need to be loved till they can't stand us any more!! Haha. Thanks for sharing Amanda, you are such a good example of this.
ReplyDeleteGee whiz, thanks for making me cry at work! I will probably get some funny looks while people walk past my cubicle. :) Thank you for the reminder to love! I'm afraid I get caught up in the whole discipline thing. Thank you for the reminder of what a mom really needs to do, which is to LOVE! I love you, and I love that sweet Shelby. You two are so lucky to have eachother. :)
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely honey. Listen to your heart... listen to the spirit. If you are not sure how to handle a situation with a child, pray about it, then listen to your thoughts. The Savior has an invested interest in your children. He will be there to help you and guide you as a parent. Don't be too hard on these little ones. Be patient. You will never feel bad about being a patient parent. Quite the opposite. If you develop patience in your parenting and in the rearing and in the teaching of your children, you will feel blessed. (So will your babies.) Pray often.... think of the savior when raising and rearing HIS children. They are HIS children. Try to think like the Savior. What would He do in the same situation. How would he treat your child if He were here? What would he say to them? What would he want them to learn in life? What would He focus on and feel is essential for His children to learn in this life? First of all I think He would consider Shelby to be a child of God and He would treat her as such. I was a child development major and felt that I knew so much about children, but through prayer I specifically remember a time when I was faced with a problem with a child. I felt I had the answer because of what I had learned in my classes. So Made a decision on what I was going to do with the child. I took my decision to the Lord and got a very strong "No" from the Lord. He did not want me to proceed the way that I was going to proceed. I learned then that book knowledge isn't everything. Educators and Scientists have a great deal of knowledge, but they don't know everything. There is a wise Heavenly Father who knows and loves Shelby more than you do. He knows what she needs. He knows how to reach her and teach her. He knows what words she needs to hear. Just listen to the H.G. (Holy ghost! :-) He's there waiting to help us!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your wonderful input, Mom. You are definitely one who should have VERY FEW regrets about parenting, because you followed this advice to the tee!
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