I have been thinking about how to be a good mom a lot these past few months. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough, or being enough, or teaching enough. Rosie has always preferred her dad over me, and sometimes it makes me wonder if it's because she doesn't feel my love enough. Now that I am pregnant with my second, I struggle with wondering why I am bring another person into this world, when I don't even know how to reach out and touch the heart of my first child!
I work part-time, and there are days when I get home from work and she needs something, but I have no idea how her day has gone so I don't know what she needs! So, I ask Cesar how she's been doing that day, and all I get is: "Good." What does that mean? How has she been eating? Sleeping? Playing? Has she been outside? How much TV has she watched? Have you read to her? Walked with her?
As I struggle with this particular issue in being a Mom, I have to remind myself of what my sister Liz said at our most recent Girls Night Out. Liz talked about how kids just really need LOVE, and all of the other stuff works itself out. "It all comes out in the wash," right Emily? I get too caught up in Rosie's physical needs and teaching her that I sometimes forget to just LOVE her. I need to let go of my checklist and start embracing the moment, and embracing Rosie. The floor is dirty? Who cares. There are dirty dishes? I'll do them later. There is a project that is still unfinished? It can go unfinished one more day. Today, and in this moment, I need to play with Rosie... This will take a LOT of work for me to change, but I think my daughters will be grateful for that dirty house some day because they got to see their mom playing with them and loving them.
Amen! And yes, it all comes out in the wash, as long as it's been soaked in oxy-clean first ;)
ReplyDeleteDarn it Sar! I have banned myself from those LDS.org videos for a reason! I'm a soaking mess! This prego thing has really turned me into a boob. (Ok, the visual image of the homophone actually got me laughing, that helps).
ReplyDeleteI applaud you, Sar. It isn't easy sometimes, but it's worth it.
Love this post. I totally identify Sar! You have summarized well what I have been learning these past few months. I love those simple sweet moments of connecting with Livvy, and wouldn't trade them for a constantly clean house, a fabulous career, or all the "to-dos" checked off my list.
ReplyDelete