So... husbands... what a crazy plan to have two opposite beings come together to form a partnership! While motherhood is my greatest joy in life, wife-hood is my greatest adventure!
I am doing personal progress right now for a competition with our young women and I had to be nicer to the family member of my choice for two whole weeks. I couldn't criticize or use any negative language, even sarcasm! And I had to make a special effort to build up and encourage this family member. Guess who I choose?
At first I thought, "I'm already SO nice to Nate, my life won't even change in the next two weeks." (I love how I think I'm so wonderful.) However, I found myself holding my tongue on more than one occasion and truly trying to only voice praise to him for all that he does. I tried harder to have dinner ready and a clean(er) house when he came home. I didn't think it was making a difference until we had a talk one night about his work. The spirit is amazing how it can pierce through even the thickest of skulls because I saw my husband more clearly during that conversation somehow. I recognized things that I've been missing for the last little while.
Then tonight we both started getting frustrated with the fly situation in our house (I swear I kill 5 per day!) and we started doing the typical finger pointing and venting session. I literally felt the peace in my heart drain. I changed my tone and Nate instantly changed his. Now we have been giggling at each other all evening.
The spirit is so sensitive! Leaving over a little squabble about flies! I never would have noticed it had I not been doing this challenge. Moral of the story? Watch yourself, your thoughts and your words. You are the keeper of the spirit in your home, guard it well.
This post came at the best possible time, Em. I'm often guilty of the "I'm so wonderful" syndrome. In times of disagreement, I often think: "I've done all I can do to be understanding and unselfish. So I'm washing my hands of it, the rest is up to him..." HA! I often don't take enough responsibility for the tone between us (unless it's a positive tone, of course--in that case it's ALL ME, baby!).
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder that the type of spirit in my home is up to me. Needed that message.
Wish I had read this post a few years ago, I had to learn this lesson the hard way! (through lots of trial and error). But gradually through lots of effort I have learned how to hold my tongue and replace unneeded sarcasm or criticism with words of encouragement and support. I know you guys probably can't believe it, seeing as how you all were on the receiving end of my teasing growing up -- especially mom! And I can't claim perfection - every once in a while stress and exhaustion bring back that fire-tongued sister of yours! I'm a work-in-progress.
ReplyDeleteI too have noticed how quickly and easily I can change the tone and feeling in our home - for better or for worse. When conflict arises I have to focus on how I am contributing to the situation--my reactions and not his--and when I do so things miraculously fizzle out and I see the whole situation much more clearly--usually from a less emotionally-charged point-of-view.
Thanks for sharing Em!
I loved this post! Mostly because I have been working on personal progress for the last few months (love them YW's!) and it really is amazing how these challenges bring the spirit into my life and how much more sensitive I am to feeling it! The funny part is, when the spirit is around you want it around more often, and you notice a dramatic difference when it's gone. I find myself listening to Motab around the house because I want the spirit there! (Did you ever think I would clean my house to Motab instead of spunky hip hop?)
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm rambling, but the point I'm really wanting to make is that I want the spirit there for both my husband and my children. I want our home to be a place of refuge and security, which is exactly what the spirit brings. I can't say our home consistently has the spirit, but I can say I am working harder than ever to have it there!