I have been stuck on one chapter in the scriptures for the last month or so trying to more fully understand charity. I have had some pretty hard lessons to learn about myself as far as envy, selfishness, kindness, and becoming the master of my thoughts go. I'll be honest, it all seems pretty impossible sometimes when you look at charity as a whole. That's why I have found it helpful to break it down and study one of the principles for at least a couple days.
I want to share one of the principles that hit me pretty hard. I've been studying "beareth all things" and it reminded me of the wonderful men and women in my life. To bear something means to hold up, support or remain firm under a load. I think of the loads each of you bear and the words "remain firm" just fit so well. It's not that we accept tough situations as victims, we remain firm in our faith no matter what challenges come along.
The imagery that kept coming to mind is from Helaman 5:12. It talks of the strong storms and whirlwinds of the devil beating upon us. By the way, "beating" is a very strong descriptive word. It's not that life will simply make us uncomfortable or be challenging, but we will take a beating at times. What are the storms? A crisis of faith, rejection, misunderstandings/disagreements with loved ones, envy, sickness, injury, pride that blinds making us feel lost and alone, difficult children, financial burdens, etc. And when those times comes there are two options for us. Either we remain firm upon the rock of our Redeemer, or the devil drags us down to the gulf of misery and endless wo.
I have come to the point in my life on several occasions when I have wanted to give up "bearing" all things because I felt that it was too much, that it wasn't fair, or because I blamed someone else for my suffering. But inevitably I found that when I refuse to remain firm out of some rebellion towards God or anger towards someone else I am simply giving the devil permission to drag me down to misery. So in reality, as I abandoned God I was abandoning my joy, my safety, myself. Then, in that gulf of misery, it is easy for the devil to convince us it is God who abandoned us.
I am so grateful that each one of us has managed to climb out of that pit in the past at some point. I am grateful for the full confidence I have in each of you to climb out again in the future or avoid the pit all together. I believe that is the biggest difference between those who make it to the celestial kingdom and those who fall short. It is whether or not we are willing to bear all things. To remain firm in our faith when the "hail and mighty storm shall beat upon (us)."
It may seem impossible sometimes but we can remain firm "because of the rock upon which (we) are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men (and women) build they cannot fall."
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
A Little Reminder
Here is a wonderful quote from President Hinckley. A gentle reminder on how to make our lives happier, and our relationships more meaningful, particularly with those closest to us (husbands and children).
“Generally speaking, the most miserable people I know are those who are obsessed with themselves; the happiest people I know are those who lose themselves in the service of others...By and large, I have come to see that if we complain about life, it is because we are thinking only of ourselves.” President Gordon B. Hinckley
“Generally speaking, the most miserable people I know are those who are obsessed with themselves; the happiest people I know are those who lose themselves in the service of others...By and large, I have come to see that if we complain about life, it is because we are thinking only of ourselves.” President Gordon B. HinckleyLet's try a little harder to be a little better at thinking more of others this week than ourselves!
The Power of Words
To go along with Em's post about the influence of our tongue, I add this little video I came across about the power of the words we choose.
I know this is an ad for an advertising company (ha, funny), but the message is still true - Am I careful to choose words that encourage, uplift and motivate? Especially as a wife and mommy...our words can really pack a punch, both for good and not-so-good.
Love you ladies! BTW - has anyone notified Jess of our blog?
I know this is an ad for an advertising company (ha, funny), but the message is still true - Am I careful to choose words that encourage, uplift and motivate? Especially as a wife and mommy...our words can really pack a punch, both for good and not-so-good.
Love you ladies! BTW - has anyone notified Jess of our blog?
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
"With a Very Small Helm"
So here's a little thought for the day...
I was reading about kindness and came across the scripture "With a very small helm great ships driven by fierce winds are easily controlled, so with the tongue, a little member of the body, great things are boasted and great fires are kindled."
As I thought how I could apply this more in my life I started laughing. I can just imagine Nate or one of my children doing something that I see as totally inconcievable as to WHY they would think it's a good idea. Then my emotions might start driving me like fierce winds as I'm steamrolling in their direction when my tongue steers me away, immediately keeping my emotions in check. Then, according to the scripture (wink, wink), I could boast of this great thing saying, "My family member did X, Y, and Z and I responded kindly... oh yeah... that's right people..."
In other words, being a mom we will often be driven by fierce winds of emotional reactions. But we have been given the tools to control ourselves. While I'm still mastering the use of those tools, I feel comforted knowing that it is within my reach to be a better mom and wife.
I was reading about kindness and came across the scripture "With a very small helm great ships driven by fierce winds are easily controlled, so with the tongue, a little member of the body, great things are boasted and great fires are kindled."
As I thought how I could apply this more in my life I started laughing. I can just imagine Nate or one of my children doing something that I see as totally inconcievable as to WHY they would think it's a good idea. Then my emotions might start driving me like fierce winds as I'm steamrolling in their direction when my tongue steers me away, immediately keeping my emotions in check. Then, according to the scripture (wink, wink), I could boast of this great thing saying, "My family member did X, Y, and Z and I responded kindly... oh yeah... that's right people..."
In other words, being a mom we will often be driven by fierce winds of emotional reactions. But we have been given the tools to control ourselves. While I'm still mastering the use of those tools, I feel comforted knowing that it is within my reach to be a better mom and wife.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
The Impact of Papi
I work with a lady who was once a principle of an elementary school, and we got to talking about child development the other day. She brought up this Robert Doman dude, and his website nacd.org. I'm not sure if any of you have heard of him, but there is a page that lists a bunch of journal articles he's had published at http://nacd.org/journal/index.php. I have just been a little weary of Rosie's development, not that there are any major signs, but her little uncontrollable eye and hand movements when she's excited just got me wondering. ANYWAY, to make a long story short, I got on the website and started reading a bunch of the articles and I found it really interesting! I realized I don't have a lot to worry about, especially since she's so young.I also found this really GREAT article about dad's, and their impact on our children. I'm so happy we have all married such awesome guys, I seriously LOVE all my brother-in-laws. Not only are they making great husbands, but they are amazing fathers, so please don't take this the wrong way. :) I just think it's nice to have DIRECTION while parenting. Here is a funny quote from one of the first articles: "One of the great mysteries of life has to do with the big question of our children and their potential. What is it, and how do we help them achieve it? No job any of us will ever have is more important than the job of raising a child. Unfortunately, no job comes with less training on how to do it! As a result, most children never come close to achieving their innate potential because parents are not taught how to unlock it....... Parents are children’s first and most important teachers. If anyone questions the role of parents as educators, they need only to look at the fact that most children will learn more by the time they are five years old than they will during the entire rest of their lives." - Robert J. Doman, Jr.
Here is a synopsis of the "Your Father Said - Process Fathering" article:
Because of the apparent complexities of the issues, many aspects of our lives appear to be beyond our abilities to make significant changes. Being unable to identify the specifics, we are unable to approach the problem in an orderly, logical manner. We make an effort, generally one lacking in focus, fail and back away from the problem. As with most issues, there are a few basics which, if identified and adhered to, greatly simplify the problems. In dealing with our families and children, we bring to the problem all of our childhood training and experiences, our cultural bias, thousands upon thousands of previous discussions and thoughts, as well as a plethora of conflicting ideas and approaches which we have heard or been exposed to in the past. Attempting to sift through the mess often only leaves us with confusion.
1. Agreement between Husband and Wife - Agreement between husbands and wives is often difficult, particularly when it comes to how to handle the children. I would suggest to the wife who is looking for her husband's support and involvement that she does not attempt to get it by taking an inflexible stand on "her" way of handling things. No one "knows" when it comes to children, we only "think." When one only thinks and doesn't really know, it is wise to be flexible. Many different approaches can work if parents work together and are reasonably consistent. Both parents should be openminded, agree upon a game plan, and try it for a specific length of time. Later they should evaluate the results and either continue with what appears to be a winning plan or go to plan B, C, or D. The important thing is to do it together. Share the effort and the responsibility and be patient. Fathers often become impatient because their homes do not run as their offices. Unlike homes, offices are very single-minded. We should neither expect our homes to run like our offices, nor want them to do so.
2. One to one time with your children - Many fathers never establish a relationship with their children. In the work world, pecking orders are established in groups but relationships are only established one to one. If you want to get to know someone you work with, you have lunch together, meet socially, etc. You get together on a one to one basis. The same factors are true of our home. Every child in the family needs to spend one to one time with his or her father. The one to one time can come while running out to the store, playing catch, "helping" with homework, etc. Relationships are established with quality time not by quantity of exposure. It is important to structure time preferably on a daily basis but at least weekly with each of your children, and make it positive.
3. Positive family unit time - You want your home to be a good place to be, a place your children want to be. You want family outings and activities to be positive experiences. If possible, family projects and activities should involve every member of the family. Family unit activities can range from church attendance and participation to family fishing trips, raising animals, skiing, etc. Whatever the activity, you must make it positive. A family outing with the dictator getting on everyone's case is not a positive family experience. Structure weekly activities.
4. Positive intensity - To mothers, fathers often appear to have an unfair advantage. Mother can tell the child something a thousand times without apparent effect. The father, however, can say it once and produce an immediate response. Such is a father's intensity. That intensity can be utilized to help eliminate negative behaviors but, more importantly, to build new positive behaviors. Father's influence can encourage a child to do anything from liking spelling to enjoying taking out the garbage. Those things which elicit a strong positive response from fathers motivate children. The father who is actively involved with his child, who can identify when that intense positive influence is necessary, can dramatically effect his child's development, education, and values.
5. Assume a specific responsibility - Fathers should assume the primary responsibility for some specific activity of the child. The specific activity could be homework, a specific aspect of a home rehabilitation program, an outside activity such as scouts, etc. The assumption of such a responsibility affords the father the opportunity to understand the ongoing responsibilities that his wife faces as well as helps create the opportunity for the one to one involvement with the child.
6. Maintain a positive environment - The final, but in many ways most important, part of the process is to maintain a positive balance of responses within the home. Simply stated, this means that more positive strokes than negative strokes must be given. Keep it positive!
1. Agreement between Husband and Wife - Agreement between husbands and wives is often difficult, particularly when it comes to how to handle the children. I would suggest to the wife who is looking for her husband's support and involvement that she does not attempt to get it by taking an inflexible stand on "her" way of handling things. No one "knows" when it comes to children, we only "think." When one only thinks and doesn't really know, it is wise to be flexible. Many different approaches can work if parents work together and are reasonably consistent. Both parents should be openminded, agree upon a game plan, and try it for a specific length of time. Later they should evaluate the results and either continue with what appears to be a winning plan or go to plan B, C, or D. The important thing is to do it together. Share the effort and the responsibility and be patient. Fathers often become impatient because their homes do not run as their offices. Unlike homes, offices are very single-minded. We should neither expect our homes to run like our offices, nor want them to do so.
2. One to one time with your children - Many fathers never establish a relationship with their children. In the work world, pecking orders are established in groups but relationships are only established one to one. If you want to get to know someone you work with, you have lunch together, meet socially, etc. You get together on a one to one basis. The same factors are true of our home. Every child in the family needs to spend one to one time with his or her father. The one to one time can come while running out to the store, playing catch, "helping" with homework, etc. Relationships are established with quality time not by quantity of exposure. It is important to structure time preferably on a daily basis but at least weekly with each of your children, and make it positive.
3. Positive family unit time - You want your home to be a good place to be, a place your children want to be. You want family outings and activities to be positive experiences. If possible, family projects and activities should involve every member of the family. Family unit activities can range from church attendance and participation to family fishing trips, raising animals, skiing, etc. Whatever the activity, you must make it positive. A family outing with the dictator getting on everyone's case is not a positive family experience. Structure weekly activities.
4. Positive intensity - To mothers, fathers often appear to have an unfair advantage. Mother can tell the child something a thousand times without apparent effect. The father, however, can say it once and produce an immediate response. Such is a father's intensity. That intensity can be utilized to help eliminate negative behaviors but, more importantly, to build new positive behaviors. Father's influence can encourage a child to do anything from liking spelling to enjoying taking out the garbage. Those things which elicit a strong positive response from fathers motivate children. The father who is actively involved with his child, who can identify when that intense positive influence is necessary, can dramatically effect his child's development, education, and values.
5. Assume a specific responsibility - Fathers should assume the primary responsibility for some specific activity of the child. The specific activity could be homework, a specific aspect of a home rehabilitation program, an outside activity such as scouts, etc. The assumption of such a responsibility affords the father the opportunity to understand the ongoing responsibilities that his wife faces as well as helps create the opportunity for the one to one involvement with the child.
6. Maintain a positive environment - The final, but in many ways most important, part of the process is to maintain a positive balance of responses within the home. Simply stated, this means that more positive strokes than negative strokes must be given. Keep it positive!
I really like what he has to say about child development. I guess I just identify with the fact that I have NO idea what I'm doing as a parent. I know I love my children to death, and even though they drive me crazy sometimes, I will always want the best for them. The problem is I sometimes don't feel like I am the best for them because I have no idea what I'm doing! I guess I was just finally relieved to find a valid website that says one of the best things I can do for my toddler is to spend time with them, play with them, read to them, and LOVE them. I am a little sick of opinions from people who act like they know what they're talking about but don't have any proof that what they're saying actually works. It's all opinion. (For example, the opinions in Relief Society...) Anyway, sorry this is SO LONG, but no one has posted in a while, so I thought I would start it back up. Love you girls!!!
"As parents, one of the best things we can do for our children is to spend time interacting with them. Ironically, in an attempt to provide our children with “opportunities” we run them around to piano lessons, gymnastics and soccer games when often the most enriching thing we can do for them is just to be with them, talk with them, read to them, and play with them. Parents who give their children focused, one-on-one interaction on a daily basis provide vital stimulation their kids need to thrive and succeed. "
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