Ode to My Big Sis

I know that it's because I didn't take the opportunity to see Lizzy enough while she was here, but I have been so Lizzy-Sick the last few days I can hardly stand it! So I just wanted you to know, Liz, how grateful I am for you.

Honestly, I don't know how you survived without a big sister growing up. Every time we get together I feel like we are missing our leader! I feel a hole in our conversations and our fun without you. Life is SO SO SO SO much easier when you have a big sister who tests the waters of life first and helps you along the way with her experience and love. Being the oldest in a family takes so much tenacity, patience, and humor to survive! You, Liz, are the perfect oldest sibling.

Yes, we had our minor altercations (haha), but they were always short-lived. I relied on you far more than I ever disagreed with you. But what I'm realizing lately is how much I STILL need you! You are living proof that the harmony between Dad's shrewd intellect and love of life and Mom's unconditional love is possible in one human being.

All of your sisters want to be like you. I think I've had several people comment to me throughout my life that it must be hard to live in your shadow. But following after you has always reminded me of the saying, "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars." Sorry, I know this is really mushy, but that's what I bring to the table right?

You are the strongest woman I know. Thank you for your continued good example of faith, courage, and the ability to be joyful! Mostly, the purpose of this post is to let you know how much I miss you, admire you, and love you!

You're gonna miss this...

There are a few things I have to admit to. #1: I've been the worst contributor to this blog in the history of it's existence. I'm sorry. I do love hearing these amazing insights from my best friends in the entire world.

#2: I have been quoted (on numerous occasions) saying how much I dislike pregnancy. Not sure if there has been a bigger prego-whiner than me, but if she actually exists, she must be a very unpleasant person to be around. I have been awful--I really have. I keep justifying by claiming my pregnancy to be much more complicated than others. Really, I think some people are just better at recognizing the miracles within their trials.

I don't know why I listen to country music. I cannot listen to it without sobbing. However, I think it a good alternative to Lady Gaga. So the other day, good ol' Trace Atkins came on. Talk about a wake up call--it was like being struck in the head by a brick.

Even now in the midst of dreadful contractions (yes, that is why I am up at this hour...they've kept me up all night!), I still feel just a little bit sad that it's almost over. Heavenly Father (and I'm sure Heavenly Mother) DID know what they were doing when they designed the child-bearing process. Over the course of 9 months we are able to connect with and develop such love for our unborn little ones in such an incredible way. And in the midst of some pains, we are able to start learning the beauty of being willing to sacrifice ANYTHING for our children. For that is exactly what our Heavenly Parents have shown us.

So I'm trying to hold on to these last hours and relish them. Because someday I will be 84, and I will be the one to say to my nurse who 8 months pregnant: "Please just enjoy this time. Please, please, please..."

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days
hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

--Trace Atkins

Mommyhood Unglamorous? Never...

You know those days when your coming off some kind of high and life hits you smack between the eyes? I just had one of those days today.

Blakey had to go to the doctor this morning because his nebulizer just wasn't clearing up his weazing. (Blake has had a cough for over a month and they finally prescribed a nebulizer, we're currently on our 4th diagnosis. First possibly rsv, then bronchitis, then asthma, now a sinus infection in his lungs...) We got him some antibiotics and a steroid to help him kick it for good, hopefully.

After their nap Blake felt a little warm and just wanted to be held. Therefore Caden thought he had to be held too. Apparently, today mommy's lap was the place to whine and cry and the floor was the place to wail and scream. I can't believe how much Caden was affected by my attentiveness to Blake! He would not be left behind! Even their high chairs were too far away from mommy! So we went in the front room (because change of sceneray always helps) and I started feeding them on my lap while sitting on the floor. You can guess how well that went. But what's a little mess when your babies are inconsolable right?

So I fill Blake up with a particularly large lunch and then give him his medicine. When I tell you his steroid medicine is disgusting it doesn't quite do justice to how bitter, rank, and putrid that stuff tastes. Poor Blakey's sensitive gag reflex was no match for it. Up came his lunch, his snack, and his breakfast. I didn't know a baby's stomach could fit that much!! So as I'm trying to figure out my next move I carelessly put the jar of baby food on the couch. Guess where Caden b-lines straight to? Before I can even find anything to wipe my hands on Caden is finger painting with carrots on our black couch.

I decided to head straight for the tub without cleaning anything up. They don't play very nice in the tub so Caden waited impatiently in a saucer thing while I cleaned up the puke baby. Then I mistakenly thought I could dress Blake while Caden played in the tub. Before I had even finished lotioning the front side of Blake, Caden had fallen over 3 times. He tries to stand up and walk around the tub in circles. I tried to hold him down with one hand and diaper Blake with the other hand but I couldn't quite control that slippery little body of his. He fell again and something in his mouth started bleeding. Again, I have two screaming babies, only now they are naked and one of them is bleeding.

After that it's all a blur, to be honest. I somehow kept Caden on his toush while I got Blake's diaper on. It's one of those moments where you think, "I can't do it any more!" only to keep going and somehow muddle through.

Once they were dressed I went and put them both in their cribs with some books (it wasn't nap time) and I went downstairs, turned on the TV, and ate ice cream straight from the carton. Okay, I cleaned up the throw up first, but THEN I really dropped everything and vegged for at least 45 min.

Getting them their dinner and into bed didn't go much smoother but we all survived. I don't know why I feel better after telling you all this. Probably because I know you'll sympathize and appreciate the lengths I've been pushed to today...

Thanks for being my sounding board, I am grateful to have you guys. I love you all!