I just finished watching a show on marriage. A Christian marriage counselor was talking about Ephesians 5:17-33. Here's my summary of the verses, simply to promote my own understanding, followed by my own thoughts after listening to his message...
vs. 17-12: Don't be dumb, understand the will of God. To do so you can't have distractions that fill up your mind, you must be filled with the spirit. Hymns and scriptures should flow through your mind regularly, putting your heart in the right place. Then keep your blessings front and center in your life, working for them and towards them. That is real gratitude. (As in everything else, you must personally connect to heaven before being a successful anything, but this is particularly true of being a celestial wife.)
vs. 21-24: When it comes to marriage you need to submit to each other, putting the needs of the whole ahead of your own. Wives submit to your husbands in the same way you submit to the Lord. Allow him to lead you. (How do we submit to the Lord? We trust his word, we seek his counsel, we support all righteous goals and efforts with gratitude and service. We submit to wisdom and love. That is how we submit to the Lord. We DON'T submit to selfishness, laziness, or sin.)
vs. 25-27: The husband needs to learn to love and lead a family, that is his calling and destiny, even as Christ is the head of the church. He must use the word of God to continually cleanse the family from the world so he can present his family, whole and pure at the last day. (Let him lead. Respect the role that he has been called to fill. That is a man's number one need in a relationship, respect. That is the most vital gift we can give our husbands. It is the key to their hearts. One of the greatest ways to communicate disrespect is in your tone. For example, you can say "could you please take you the trash?" as a gentle request or a scathing indictment to his laziness just by using different tones.)
vs. 28-31 Men need to live up to the respect given to them by their wives. Even when, or especially when, her needs make no sense to him he must honor them without demanding an explanation. He should see her as an extension of himself. If your arm itches you don't demand an explanation before scratching it. A marriage is two people becoming one. (Our number one need in a relationship is security through sacrifice. We need to see our men sacrifice for us. It secures our hearts to them. When they sacrifice for us we would follow them anywhere, am I right? I think men were not meant to fully understand women. When they seek to fill our needs, even without a complete logical explanation, it shows us their dedication and commitment.)
vs. 32-33: This is one of the great mysteries of Godliness, this balance of opposing roles. It was modeled perfectly by Christ and his sacrifice for the church. Now it is up to us to apply this principle for celestial potential to our marriages. Men love your wives as yourselves and women reverence your husbands. (I love how at the end of the whole explanation it changes women's role from submit to it's "higher-law" name: reverence. Think of the times you feel most reverent. The word respect has so many different connotations in my mind (R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me). But reverence is a much narrower category in my mind. I think of the temple, the sacrament, beautiful hymns, personal revelation. That's the kind of respect we are asked to give our husbands.)
So what do I need to do? What is my part? Gentleness, kindness, and valuing his input and opinions. I need to stay open with him, letting him know how thing affect me. I need to contribute to the decision making process with my own wisdom and insight. In the end I need to respect his decisions even if I don't agree. We both have our agency but the goal is to be united, to be together. And that's goal behind this principle that Paul calls a "great mystery of Godliness."
