Raising Mommies

Beareth All Things

2012-01-24T07:50:00.000-08:00

I have been stuck on one chapter in the scriptures for the last month or so trying to more fully understand charity. I have had some pretty hard lessons to learn about myself as far as envy, selfishness, kindness, and becoming the master of my thoughts go. I'll be honest, it all seems pretty impossible sometimes when you look at charity as a whole. That's why I have found it helpful to break it down and study one of the principles for at least a couple days.

I want to share one of the principles that hit me pretty hard. I've been studying "beareth all things" and it reminded me of the wonderful men and women in my life. To bear something means to hold up, support or remain firm under a load. I think of the loads each of you bear and the words "remain firm" just fit so well. It's not that we accept tough situations as victims, we remain firm in our faith no matter what challenges come along.

The imagery that kept coming to mind is from Helaman 5:12. It talks of the strong storms and whirlwinds of the devil beating upon us. By the way, "beating" is a very strong descriptive word. It's not that life will simply make us uncomfortable or be challenging, but we will take a beating at times. What are the storms? A crisis of faith, rejection, misunderstandings/disagreements with loved ones, envy, sickness, injury, pride that blinds making us feel lost and alone, difficult children, financial burdens, etc. And when those times comes there are two options for us. Either we remain firm upon the rock of our Redeemer, or the devil drags us down to the gulf of misery and endless wo.

I have come to the point in my life on several occasions when I have wanted to give up "bearing" all things because I felt that it was too much, that it wasn't fair, or because I blamed someone else for my suffering. But inevitably I found that when I refuse to remain firm out of some rebellion towards God or anger towards someone else I am simply giving the devil permission to drag me down to misery. So in reality, as I abandoned God I was abandoning my joy, my safety, myself. Then, in that gulf of misery, it is easy for the devil to convince us it is God who abandoned us.

I am so grateful that each one of us has managed to climb out of that pit in the past at some point. I am grateful for the full confidence I have in each of you to climb out again in the future or avoid the pit all together. I believe that is the biggest difference between those who make it to the celestial kingdom and those who fall short. It is whether or not we are willing to bear all things. To remain firm in our faith when the "hail and mighty storm shall beat upon (us)."

It may seem impossible sometimes but we can remain firm "because of the rock upon which (we) are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men (and women) build they cannot fall."

A Little Reminder

2012-01-19T12:04:00.001-08:00

Here is a wonderful quote from President Hinckley. A gentle reminder on how to make our lives happier, and our relationships more meaningful, particularly with those closest to us (husbands and children).
“Generally speaking, the most miserable people I know are those who are obsessed with themselves; the happiest people I know are those who lose themselves in the service of others...By and large, I have come to see that if we complain about life, it is because we are thinking only of ourselves.” President Gordon B. Hinckley

Let's try a little harder to be a little better at thinking more of others this week than ourselves!

The Power of Words

2012-01-19T11:09:00.000-08:00

To go along with Em's post about the influence of our tongue, I add this little video I came across about the power of the words we choose.

I know this is an ad for an advertising company (ha, funny), but the message is still true - Am I careful to choose words that encourage, uplift and motivate? Especially as a wife and mommy...our words can really pack a punch, both for good and not-so-good.

Love you ladies! BTW - has anyone notified Jess of our blog?

"With a Very Small Helm"

2012-01-11T07:20:00.000-08:00

So here's a little thought for the day...

I was reading about kindness and came across the scripture "With a very small helm great ships driven by fierce winds are easily controlled, so with the tongue, a little member of the body, great things are boasted and great fires are kindled."

As I thought how I could apply this more in my life I started laughing. I can just imagine Nate or one of my children doing something that I see as totally inconcievable as to WHY they would think it's a good idea. Then my emotions might start driving me like fierce winds as I'm steamrolling in their direction when my tongue steers me away, immediately keeping my emotions in check. Then, according to the scripture (wink, wink), I could boast of this great thing saying, "My family member did X, Y, and Z and I responded kindly... oh yeah... that's right people..."

In other words, being a mom we will often be driven by fierce winds of emotional reactions. But we have been given the tools to control ourselves. While I'm still mastering the use of those tools, I feel comforted knowing that it is within my reach to be a better mom and wife.

The Impact of Papi

2012-01-10T12:47:00.000-08:00

I work with a lady who was once a principle of an elementary school, and we got to talking about child development the other day. She brought up this Robert Doman dude, and his website nacd.org. I'm not sure if any of you have heard of him, but there is a page that lists a bunch of journal articles he's had published at http://nacd.org/journal/index.php. I have just been a little weary of Rosie's development, not that there are any major signs, but her little uncontrollable eye and hand movements when she's excited just got me wondering. ANYWAY, to make a long story short, I got on the website and started reading a bunch of the articles and I found it really interesting! I realized I don't have a lot to worry about, especially since she's so young.

I also found this really GREAT article about dad's, and their impact on our children. I'm so happy we have all married such awesome guys, I seriously LOVE all my brother-in-laws. Not only are they making great husbands, but they are amazing fathers, so please don't take this the wrong way. :) I just think it's nice to have DIRECTION while parenting. Here is a funny quote from one of the first articles: "One of the great mysteries of life has to do with the big question of our children and their potential. What is it, and how do we help them achieve it? No job any of us will ever have is more important than the job of raising a child. Unfortunately, no job comes with less training on how to do it! As a result, most children never come close to achieving their innate potential because parents are not taught how to unlock it....... Parents are children’s first and most important teachers. If anyone questions the role of parents as educators, they need only to look at the fact that most children will learn more by the time they are five years old than they will during the entire rest of their lives." - Robert J. Doman, Jr.

Here is a synopsis of the "Your Father Said - Process Fathering" article:

Because of the apparent complexities of the issues, many aspects of our lives appear to be beyond our abilities to make significant changes. Being unable to identify the specifics, we are unable to approach the problem in an orderly, logical manner. We make an effort, generally one lacking in focus, fail and back away from the problem. As with most issues, there are a few basics which, if identified and adhered to, greatly simplify the problems. In dealing with our families and children, we bring to the problem all of our childhood training and experiences, our cultural bias, thousands upon thousands of previous discussions and thoughts, as well as a plethora of conflicting ideas and approaches which we have heard or been exposed to in the past. Attempting to sift through the mess often only leaves us with confusion.

1. Agreement between Husband and Wife - Agreement between husbands and wives is often difficult, particularly when it comes to how to handle the children. I would suggest to the wife who is looking for her husband's support and involvement that she does not attempt to get it by taking an inflexible stand on "her" way of handling things. No one "knows" when it comes to children, we only "think." When one only thinks and doesn't really know, it is wise to be flexible. Many different approaches can work if parents work together and are reasonably consistent. Both parents should be openminded, agree upon a game plan, and try it for a specific length of time. Later they should evaluate the results and either continue with what appears to be a winning plan or go to plan B, C, or D. The important thing is to do it together. Share the effort and the responsibility and be patient. Fathers often become impatient because their homes do not run as their offices. Unlike homes, offices are very single-minded. We should neither expect our homes to run like our offices, nor want them to do so.

2. One to one time with your children - Many fathers never establish a relationship with their children. In the work world, pecking orders are established in groups but relationships are only established one to one. If you want to get to know someone you work with, you have lunch together, meet socially, etc. You get together on a one to one basis. The same factors are true of our home. Every child in the family needs to spend one to one time with his or her father. The one to one time can come while running out to the store, playing catch, "helping" with homework, etc. Relationships are established with quality time not by quantity of exposure. It is important to structure time preferably on a daily basis but at least weekly with each of your children, and make it positive.

3. Positive family unit time - You want your home to be a good place to be, a place your children want to be. You want family outings and activities to be positive experiences. If possible, family projects and activities should involve every member of the family. Family unit activities can range from church attendance and participation to family fishing trips, raising animals, skiing, etc. Whatever the activity, you must make it positive. A family outing with the dictator getting on everyone's case is not a positive family experience. Structure weekly activities.

4. Positive intensity - To mothers, fathers often appear to have an unfair advantage. Mother can tell the child something a thousand times without apparent effect. The father, however, can say it once and produce an immediate response. Such is a father's intensity. That intensity can be utilized to help eliminate negative behaviors but, more importantly, to build new positive behaviors. Father's influence can encourage a child to do anything from liking spelling to enjoying taking out the garbage. Those things which elicit a strong positive response from fathers motivate children. The father who is actively involved with his child, who can identify when that intense positive influence is necessary, can dramatically effect his child's development, education, and values.

5. Assume a specific responsibility - Fathers should assume the primary responsibility for some specific activity of the child. The specific activity could be homework, a specific aspect of a home rehabilitation program, an outside activity such as scouts, etc. The assumption of such a responsibility affords the father the opportunity to understand the ongoing responsibilities that his wife faces as well as helps create the opportunity for the one to one involvement with the child.

6. Maintain a positive environment - The final, but in many ways most important, part of the process is to maintain a positive balance of responses within the home. Simply stated, this means that more positive strokes than negative strokes must be given. Keep it positive!

I really like what he has to say about child development. I guess I just identify with the fact that I have NO idea what I'm doing as a parent. I know I love my children to death, and even though they drive me crazy sometimes, I will always want the best for them. The problem is I sometimes don't feel like I am the best for them because I have no idea what I'm doing! I guess I was just finally relieved to find a valid website that says one of the best things I can do for my toddler is to spend time with them, play with them, read to them, and LOVE them. I am a little sick of opinions from people who act like they know what they're talking about but don't have any proof that what they're saying actually works. It's all opinion. (For example, the opinions in Relief Society...) Anyway, sorry this is SO LONG, but no one has posted in a while, so I thought I would start it back up. Love you girls!!!

"As parents, one of the best things we can do for our children is to spend time interacting with them. Ironically, in an attempt to provide our children with “opportunities” we run them around to piano lessons, gymnastics and soccer games when often the most enriching thing we can do for them is just to be with them, talk with them, read to them, and play with them. Parents who give their children focused, one-on-one interaction on a daily basis provide vital stimulation their kids need to thrive and succeed. "

Communication and Trust

2011-10-11T22:04:00.000-07:00

Hi Beautiful Sisters,

So I thought I would make my debut on this awesome blog. I know I am not a Mommy yet, but I hope you don't mind.

I have had something on my mind lately and I wanted to share. Probably all of you know that I do marriage therapy right now at my work. I have learned a lot in working with my couples, and I wanted to share a great technique with you that I have been using. Matt and I are even trying it! It helps a lot to really get to know each other better and really come to know what each other needs. Perhaps you think you already know what the other person needs in these categories, but our needs can change over time, and it is always important to get on the same page again.

How To:
Read the statement of each emotional need together, and then write a definition of what you expect from your spouse in that category. Your husband will do the same and write his own definition for you. To help you out, complete phrases like: I EXPECT THAT MY SPOUSE WILL......or.......I NEED MY SPOUSE TO........I FEEL FULFILLED IN THIS WHEN........or simply - I WANT..........ETC. Does this make sense? The important thing to remember while doing this, is not to point your finger. For example, I do not want you to say something like: I want this, but you never do it. Make it positive. Then after each person has defined their expectations, talk about what the other wrote and commit to putting those things into practice. Review the other's expectations often.

Here is the list:

The Ten Emotional Needs

1. Affection – Showing love through words, cards, gifts, hugs, kisses, and courtesies; creating an environment that clearly and repeatedly expresses love.

2. Sexual Fulfillment – A sexual relationship that brings out a predictably enjoyable sexual response for both partners and is frequent enough for both.

3. Conversation – Talking about the events of the day, feelings, and plans; avoiding angry or judgmental statements or dwelling on past mistakes; showing interest in your favorite topics of conversation; balancing conversation; using it to inform, investigate, and understand you; and giving you undivided attention.

4. Recreational Companionship – Develop interest in your favorite recreational activities, learning to be proficient in them, and joining you in those activities. If any prove to be unpleasant to your spouse after an effort has been made, negotiating new recreational activities that are mutually enjoyable.

5. Honesty and Openness – Revealing positive and negative feelings, events of the past, daily events and schedule, plans for the future; not leaving you with a false impression; answering your questions truthfully.

6. Attractiveness of Spouse – Keeping physically fit with diet and exercise; wearing hair, clothing, and (if female) makeup in a way that you find attractive and tasteful.

7. Financial Support – Provision of the financial resources to house, feed, and clothe your family at a standard of living acceptable to you, but avoiding travel and working hours that are unacceptable to you.

8. Domestic Support – Creation of a home environment for you that offers a refuge from the stresses of life; managing the home and care of the children – if any are at home – including but not limited to cooking meals, washing dishes, washing and ironing clothes, and housecleaning.

9. Family Commitment – Scheduling sufficient time and energy for the moral and educational development of your children; reading to them, taking them on frequent outings, educating himself or herself in appropriate child-training methods and discussing those methods with you; avoiding any child-training method or disciplinary action that does not have your enthusiastic support.

10. Admiration – Respecting, valuing, and appreciating you; rarely critical and expressing admiration to you clearly and often.

Anyway, I would love to know how this all works for you. You gals are probably all professional in knowing your hubby's expectations in each of these, but maybe not! And I hope this can help you draw closer to each other. This technique can really help build communication and trust, and help your marriage be even stronger and more united. Enjoy!

I love you all so much!

Your sister,

Jac

Meet For the Master's Use

2011-10-06T11:47:00.000-07:00

All of this talk of fulfilling our personal missions fits perfectly into what has been on my mind lately. I need to be a missionary to my family. I want to start now building the testimonies of my boys and strengthening my husband. I have been worrying/wondering about it for a while, trying to know what I can do. Obviously that is the wrong question to ask...

So the other night I was so tired so I laid down to sleep and decided to just say a prayer in my head. Heavenly Father doesn't care about my position right? Well... He did that night. I distinctly felt the impression to kneel down and pray. I got to my knees and began praying when another impression came: be quiet and listen. I brushed it off and tried to talk over it but again it came: be quiet and listen, I have something to tell you...

What makes you think YOU can affect the testimony of anyone? No wonder you are frustrated, you have forgotten who's work this is. Remember how it felt to be a tool in my hands? To be given words and ideas above your own? You achieved that level of effectiveness with the spirit on your mission because you sacrificed to get it. The more of yourself you gave to me, the more WE could reach the hearts of those around you. Stop trying to do everything by yourself. How? Well how did every day start on your mission? A personal meeting with me in the scriptures and your study journal. Reading scriptures at night will bring you daily peace and even teach and inspire you. But reading scriptures in the morning is how I can prepare you to teach and inspire others. There is so much more I can make of you. And if you truly desire to be a tool in my hands, this is the sacrifice I require. I know your day starts early with your children, but what if you gave me 20-30 min before giving yourself to them?

Honestly I didn't know how to respond to that last question because I didn't know. I had never done that before. I managed a mumbled, "Thank you" before closing my prayer. I knew what He was asking of me and wondered what on earth He had to teach me that was so important.

Well, this morning was my first morning of waking up early and my studies took me to 2 Timothy 2:6-26. It starts out with "The husbandman that laboreth must be first partaker of the fruits." In other words, how can we share something we are not feasting on daily? It goes on to talk about sanctifying yourself first, before you can be "meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work." It ends by saying how meek instruction will allow others to " recover themselves out of the snare of the devil."

That last part hit me hard. Even if I partake of the fruit every day, become sanctified, and teach with the Holy Spirit in meekness it is still up to every member of my family to recover themselves eventually. For a control freak mom like myself that's hard to hear. But I know it's true. And why worry endlessly about their agency when I'm not even in a place to be the influence they need! There is so much I can do and become through the Lord's help to give them the best possible opportunity of finding lasting faith. So basically the Lord said, "Stop worrying about what you cannot control, it is hindering you becoming the tool I will need in their lives! Become the true and divine YOU and the choice for them will be simple."

I love you ladies. Thanks for letting me share. I'm not saying everyone has to get up early for a personal meeting with the Lord, I just know that I need to during this chapter of my life to be what my family needs.

Reminder

2011-09-27T15:50:00.001-07:00

Name Tags

2011-08-14T21:28:00.000-07:00

I just finished writing Sistah Nay in Thailand. Ah, I love and miss that girl terribly. I will be honest, looking back at my few short years of living, I have a tiny tinge of regret not serving a mission. At the time I really don't think I was prepared to do it. But now? I would be out there in a heart beat. I often wonder how it would change my life and my convictions in the gospel, and how it could have made me a better mom and wife. I also wonder if there were people I was supposed to reach, but shyed away from the responsibility. Then, I found this quote by Sheri Dew and it helped me feel a little better about what can be done NOW, instead of worrying about what I could have done.

"With the exception of those serving full-time missions, we needn't don name badges or knock on doors to help build the kingdom. For though some would portray us as dowdy and dominated rather than the dynamic, radiant women we are, no woman is more persuasive, no woman has greater influence for good, no woman is a more vibrant instrument in the hands of the Lord than a woman of God who is THRILLED TO BE WHO SHE IS. I like to think of us as the Lord's secret weapon. If we did have name tags, I would want mine to read: "Sheri Dew, Woman of God, Busy Building the Kingdom of God."

I think I would want my name tag to say, "Sarah Garcia, Woman of God, Taking Time and Effort to Love."

What would yours say???

Different Languages

2011-08-01T08:15:00.000-07:00

We all know that men and women speak different languages on so many different levels. In fact I think that at least 90% of all arguments consist of complete misinterpretations. I think it could be fun to post a few comments that have occurred between husband and wife that were interpreted totally differently on either side.

For example I call Nate "Huzby" lately because I'm wierd like that. So he started calling me "Wubzy". (I know we're nerds, that's not the point.) So we were driving on saturday and he called me "Wuberella" as in "Cinderella". I told him if he wants a maid he can hire one because I'm not it. He was confused and said, "Cinderella goes to the ball and marries the prince and loses her shoe... what does that have to do with cleaning?"

Dumb example, I know. But I'm just wondering if you all have any examples of misinterpretations that have gone on between you. We seriously need a translator sometimes!!! Haha!

(P.S. Bear Lake was awesome! Good memories on the deck with the bat poop and interrupting each other, haha. Also boating with the girls was such a good memory and emotional break from traveling with twins! Love you all!)

Today's quote

2011-07-16T03:56:00.000-07:00

"What a wife might consider to be "continuous encouragement" often sounds to the husband like "perpetual dissatisfaction."

--John Bytheway, Behind Every Good Man

Guilty as charged! Thanks for the book, Em. :)

Vulnerability

2011-06-06T21:11:00.000-07:00

This video is kind of long but it is such an interesting perspective on human connection and vulnerability. It reminded me of a Sunday School class Nate and I took at the beginning of our marriage. Our teacher was studying to be a marriage counselor at BYU and one thing he talked about over and over again was this simple truth: vulnerability begets intimacy. Not necessarily physical intimacy, although that may be an additional consequence ;) but mostly an emotional intimacy.

In striving to maintain and even strengthen my human connections, bear with me as I explore a few thoughts...

It's quite the paradox that vulnerability was a common denominator in people's separation as well as other people's connections. On the one hand feeling vulnerable lead many people to feel ashamed and therefore unlovable, closing themselves off and becoming more and more distant. On the other hand demonstrating vulnerability to another person and having them love the imperfect you is quite possibly the strongest human connector we know of.

I learned one thing just now in how I worded that... Perhaps the difference isn't the emotion, it's whether we attempt to hide or share the emotion. No it's more than that, it seems to be our perception of our vulnerability. Do our weaknesses make us unlovable or endearing? Hmmm.....

This is all well and dandy in black and white on a computer screen but the honest part of me is thinking, "What a crappy way to live! To share my vulnerabilities all the time! What a drag to have a friend/spouse who's always complaining about their insecurities!"

Maybe we don't always have to share our vulnerability in words, maybe it's just being vulnerable. Asking for things with the possibility of being denied... hoping for something when you might be let down... praying for something with all your heart when the answer just might be "no" or "not yet"... It's starting to sound a lot like the definition of Faith from Elder Bednar's talk But If Not.

Okay, it's late... too much to think about... Perhaps I'll end by posing this simple question:

How can we become more "whole-hearted" and strengthen our human connections?

Mom, mom, mom, mom....

2011-05-19T14:12:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I totally hate this show. Believe me.
But yesterday's interaction with Shelby reminded me of this little clip.

This seriously happened to me yesterday. No lie.

It was one of those afternoons where 6 hours of that wonderful, adorable, uninterrupted talking was starting to cause a cute little headache...or an incredibly massive one. :) I was totally having "Helga-Mom" moment. You three beautiful women may think I'm a horrible mom for feeling this way. But I promise you--it is just impossible to say "what" every single time your name is called. I really was not a pretty mommy. I was almost tempted to make a trip to K-Mart for some duct tape. Ok, I'm only joking now. Kinda.

What's funny is that Shelby didn't seem to notice. After a trillion "mamma's", I responded with a "WHAT?!" that would've made your hair stand on end. And she responded with a quick, "I love you" and then she smiled sweetly. It was almost sarcastic. Stinker. :)

When 8 o'clock came around and she was in bed, I fell on the couch. I rested, recovered. And then I went back in. I laid next to my beautiful sleeping beauty.

I suddenly understood this concept I often hear among the mom-folk: that some of the best moments spent with kids are when they are quietly sedated.

And yesterday, those quiet moments were absolutely the best part of my day. And actually believe it or not, a good night's sleep got me excited to hear the famous first phrase (the first thing she says when she exits her room in the morning is always incredibly random and quite humorous...this morning it was "Mom? Sugar does not want ketchup for dinner. She doesn't, Mom.").

Emily, you may be battled by 3 year olds who might literally tear down the house...I am battled by a 3 year old who talks. Watch out, Liz and Sar. Watch out. :)

Recipe Call

2011-05-06T18:43:00.000-07:00

Ok Sisters and Mom - Because I miss quite a few family get-togethers, I don't have the opportunity to sample your latest culinary creations. So... have you come across any good recipes lately that you wouldn't mind sharing? It can be dinner, breakfast, salad, dessert, etc - but I need something new to try!

My sister-in-law Heather is putting together a recipe book that I am helping her with, and I feel like I have a shortage of contributions. Many of my best recipes have come from you guys, so I am calling on you for help. They can be fancy delicacies or a practical go-to meal, anything to add variety to my waning repertoire of recipes.

Sar, I do have one request - the decadent white coconut cake please?

And Happy Mother's Day to ALL of you! Have fun in St. George!

Hands-on Training

2011-04-14T19:58:00.000-07:00

Amidst the immense blessings our family has received lately (pregnancy, callings, a new job, etc.), the Lord has not forgotten to further our education of life through experience.

Usually Conference weekend is a time of reflection, instruction, inspiration, meditation, and even a bit of relaxation. There have been past Conferences when I have come away a new person, resolved to live life more purposefully. This last Conference weekend, however, was unusual and unorthodox for our little family. The result has eventually been the same--I have come away a different and even better person, but the instruction came in a very different form. Instead of soaking in the wisdom of our prophets from the comfort of a couch, my instruction came through a real "hands-on" experience--an opportunity to learn amidst trial.

As you all know, early Sunday morning I got a text from Willie saying he was in the ER. Expecting the worst, I called him and he said he had been up all night with intense abdominal pain, and finally, after trying everything possible, he knelt and prayed asking for help. He got the immediate impression that he should go to the hospital. So even though he was doubled over in pain, he drove himself to the ER. They ran a few tests and determined that he was having appendicitis and would need immediate surgery to remove his appendix. And of course I am not there! I got off the phone with him and you all started to help us pack up our car and leave immediately for Wyoming. Within a half-hour we were on the road back home. Now that was an interesting drive. I had recently heard of several incidents where a young husband and father had passed away leaving his family, and I couldn’t help but think about what it would be like to lose Will. Amidst the turmoil and a few tears that this thought brought, an overwhelming sense of peace came to me. I came to know that even if I were called to go through such an intense and unfathomable trial, nothing really would change for me. I would not believe any less in Heavenly Father’s plan for me – in fact I would rely upon it even more. It would not change what I had learned as a missionary, it would not change what I know about the power of the Atonement, although there is no doubt that I would have much more reason to draw upon that power. Basically, what I realized is that in any trial we ultimately have two choices – Do I draw closer to Christ or turn my back on Him? There is no middle ground. And if I make it a habit to always turn to Him in the small challenges, then I can be assured that I will do the same when the earth-shattering trials come along. Before this incident, I don’t know if I would have been able to answer those questions about myself. But on that drive home, the Lord taught me a thing or two about who I am, and about His plan for me.

So while I did not get the chance to learn from the Lord via his prophets that Conference Sunday, he still made sure I received the instruction and comfort I needed, and it came straight from Him.

Peace Making Pop Quiz

2011-04-11T14:26:00.000-07:00

So hypothetically, lets say your husband gets in a little (or major) tiff with his mother... What is your role in the whole ordeal?

(a) You are the anointed peacemaker and must serve as a go-between diplomat until both mother and son feel peace on earth once again.

(b) You are simply a listener for husband and mother-in-law and you empathize each side of the argument respectively.

(c) You use this as your chance to be rid of your mother-in-law once and for all and encourage your husband to cut all ties (this one is a joke :)

(d) Absolutely nothing. They will or will not work it out themselves and there's nothing you can do about it.

You may also opt for the essay portion and create your own answer.

Just hypothetically speaking, of course....

Ode to My Big Sis

2011-03-22T12:20:00.000-07:00

I know that it's because I didn't take the opportunity to see Lizzy enough while she was here, but I have been so Lizzy-Sick the last few days I can hardly stand it! So I just wanted you to know, Liz, how grateful I am for you.

Honestly, I don't know how you survived without a big sister growing up. Every time we get together I feel like we are missing our leader! I feel a hole in our conversations and our fun without you. Life is SO SO SO SO much easier when you have a big sister who tests the waters of life first and helps you along the way with her experience and love. Being the oldest in a family takes so much tenacity, patience, and humor to survive! You, Liz, are the perfect oldest sibling.

Yes, we had our minor altercations (haha), but they were always short-lived. I relied on you far more than I ever disagreed with you. But what I'm realizing lately is how much I STILL need you! You are living proof that the harmony between Dad's shrewd intellect and love of life and Mom's unconditional love is possible in one human being.

All of your sisters want to be like you. I think I've had several people comment to me throughout my life that it must be hard to live in your shadow. But following after you has always reminded me of the saying, "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars." Sorry, I know this is really mushy, but that's what I bring to the table right?

You are the strongest woman I know. Thank you for your continued good example of faith, courage, and the ability to be joyful! Mostly, the purpose of this post is to let you know how much I miss you, admire you, and love you!

You're gonna miss this...

2011-03-06T04:43:00.000-08:00

There are a few things I have to admit to. #1: I've been the worst contributor to this blog in the history of it's existence. I'm sorry. I do love hearing these amazing insights from my best friends in the entire world.

#2: I have been quoted (on numerous occasions) saying how much I dislike pregnancy. Not sure if there has been a bigger prego-whiner than me, but if she actually exists, she must be a very unpleasant person to be around. I have been awful--I really have. I keep justifying by claiming my pregnancy to be much more complicated than others. Really, I think some people are just better at recognizing the miracles within their trials.

I don't know why I listen to country music. I cannot listen to it without sobbing. However, I think it a good alternative to Lady Gaga. So the other day, good ol' Trace Atkins came on. Talk about a wake up call--it was like being struck in the head by a brick.

Even now in the midst of dreadful contractions (yes, that is why I am up at this hour...they've kept me up all night!), I still feel just a little bit sad that it's almost over. Heavenly Father (and I'm sure Heavenly Mother) DID know what they were doing when they designed the child-bearing process. Over the course of 9 months we are able to connect with and develop such love for our unborn little ones in such an incredible way. And in the midst of some pains, we are able to start learning the beauty of being willing to sacrifice ANYTHING for our children. For that is exactly what our Heavenly Parents have shown us.

So I'm trying to hold on to these last hours and relish them. Because someday I will be 84, and I will be the one to say to my nurse who 8 months pregnant: "Please just enjoy this time. Please, please, please..."

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days
hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

--Trace Atkins

Mommyhood Unglamorous? Never...

2011-03-02T19:50:00.000-08:00

You know those days when your coming off some kind of high and life hits you smack between the eyes? I just had one of those days today.

Blakey had to go to the doctor this morning because his nebulizer just wasn't clearing up his weazing. (Blake has had a cough for over a month and they finally prescribed a nebulizer, we're currently on our 4th diagnosis. First possibly rsv, then bronchitis, then asthma, now a sinus infection in his lungs...) We got him some antibiotics and a steroid to help him kick it for good, hopefully.

After their nap Blake felt a little warm and just wanted to be held. Therefore Caden thought he had to be held too. Apparently, today mommy's lap was the place to whine and cry and the floor was the place to wail and scream. I can't believe how much Caden was affected by my attentiveness to Blake! He would not be left behind! Even their high chairs were too far away from mommy! So we went in the front room (because change of sceneray always helps) and I started feeding them on my lap while sitting on the floor. You can guess how well that went. But what's a little mess when your babies are inconsolable right?

So I fill Blake up with a particularly large lunch and then give him his medicine. When I tell you his steroid medicine is disgusting it doesn't quite do justice to how bitter, rank, and putrid that stuff tastes. Poor Blakey's sensitive gag reflex was no match for it. Up came his lunch, his snack, and his breakfast. I didn't know a baby's stomach could fit that much!! So as I'm trying to figure out my next move I carelessly put the jar of baby food on the couch. Guess where Caden b-lines straight to? Before I can even find anything to wipe my hands on Caden is finger painting with carrots on our black couch.

I decided to head straight for the tub without cleaning anything up. They don't play very nice in the tub so Caden waited impatiently in a saucer thing while I cleaned up the puke baby. Then I mistakenly thought I could dress Blake while Caden played in the tub. Before I had even finished lotioning the front side of Blake, Caden had fallen over 3 times. He tries to stand up and walk around the tub in circles. I tried to hold him down with one hand and diaper Blake with the other hand but I couldn't quite control that slippery little body of his. He fell again and something in his mouth started bleeding. Again, I have two screaming babies, only now they are naked and one of them is bleeding.

After that it's all a blur, to be honest. I somehow kept Caden on his toush while I got Blake's diaper on. It's one of those moments where you think, "I can't do it any more!" only to keep going and somehow muddle through.

Once they were dressed I went and put them both in their cribs with some books (it wasn't nap time) and I went downstairs, turned on the TV, and ate ice cream straight from the carton. Okay, I cleaned up the throw up first, but THEN I really dropped everything and vegged for at least 45 min.

Getting them their dinner and into bed didn't go much smoother but we all survived. I don't know why I feel better after telling you all this. Probably because I know you'll sympathize and appreciate the lengths I've been pushed to today...

Thanks for being my sounding board, I am grateful to have you guys. I love you all!

New Fashion Statement

2011-02-19T16:43:00.000-08:00

So I should have taken a picture but you'll just have to trust me. I was at Walmart yesterday when I first noticed it. I saw something white and crusty in the boob area of my shirt. "Darn!" I thought, "I've only had this shirt on for an hour and it's already a mess..."

I got home and promptly forgot about my shirt as the whirlwind of dinner, jammies, and bedtime consumed my evening. After making dinner and cleaning it up and folding two loads of laundry I staggered upstairs, tired as usual. I went in to brush my teeth and my reflection in the mirror confused me at first, and then made me laugh out loud.

The white crusties on my shirt formed perfect little handprint right over my boob! The boys had cottage cheese for the first time yesterday and I must have picked one of them up before wiping them off - Hahaha! I walked all around Walmart looking a little scandalous ;)

At least I had a good laugh over it, and hopefully you do too.

Eye--Eye Matey!!

2011-02-17T20:19:00.000-08:00

So as you all know it has been quite a month for Livvy and her beautiful eyes. We first tried some "therapeutic" glasses. Adorable,yes. But she looks much too old for her Mommy's liking.
After another second opinion from a supposedly more qualified doc, the glasses are now deemed unnecessary and we have moved on to the patch. After a week and many photo-ops, this is the one and only pic of her smiling while wearing her patch (btw Sar, she loves her tutu):
She really isn't much of a fan, as you can imagine, but today she finally wore it without any crying or whining. I just wanted to share some visuals since she doesn't get to see her aunties as often as she would like.

We're doing our best to take care of these beautiful baby-blues!

Naturally Divine

2011-02-17T19:50:00.001-08:00

So I'm plugging along in Personal Progress and this week's value is Divine Nature. What a cool topic. Tonight I came across this inspiring talk by Sheri Dew, "Are We Not All Mothers?" from Oct 2001 Conference -- I recommend it. The following is an excerpt:

As mothers in Israel, we are the Lord’s secret weapon.

Our influence comes from a divine endowment that has been in place from the beginning. In the premortal world, when our Father described our role, I wonder if we didn’t stand in wide-eyed wonder that He would bless us with a sacred trust so central to His plan and that He would endow us with gifts so vital to the loving and leading of His children. I wonder if we shouted for joyat least in part because of the ennobling stature He gave us in His kingdom.

The world won’t tell you that, but the Spirit will.

She discusses the doctrine of Motherhood, and how we all (females) were endowed with the privilege of motherhood before we were born, and before we ever bear children of our own.

Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.

So even though we are all currently mothers of small children, what is it about our essence and character that encompasses the endowment of motherhood?

She mentions some of the characteristics: heroic faith, a keen sensitivity to the Spirit, an abhorrence of evil, and complete selflessness. I would include compassion. What do you guys think?

Just food for thought.

Happiness Amidst the Craziness

2011-02-13T19:28:00.000-08:00

... I'm sitting in front of my computer, staring at the screen, amazed that I have a half hour to let my girls know how I'm doing... I have been waiting to post for a week now, and now I can't even remember what I was going to write about! So I am going to write about something else. This week has been a crazy hard week. Maya came down with a cough and now Rosie has it as well. Cesar has been working and shadowing this week, so he hasn't been around as much to help. Plus, this week was the first week that it REALLY hit me... I HAVE TWO KIDS...

I was holding Maya, just staring at her, while Rosie was taking her nap. She's four weeks old and has already changed and grown up. As I was admiring her, I couldn't believe how fast the last month went by! I felt like I missed my little baby and her first month of life! I was there for her feedings, for her baths, and to change her diaper, but I feel like I wasn't able to cuddle and try to connect with her the way I was able to with Rosie. Just then, Rosie wakes up from her nap and is needing me once again. At this point, WHAT DO I DO??? Do I let Rosie cry for awhile in her bed while I hold Maya a little longer, or do I put Maya down ONCE AGAIN in order to help Rosie with something? Who really needs me more? Do I just respond to whoever screams the loudest? Or do I just miss Maya growing up in order to keep Rosie peaceful? How do I assess the situation in order to help who really needs me more? I will say that I really, really wish Rosie were talking so I wasn't always guessing at what she needs. That would probably make things easier!

My other struggle this week has been with personal time. I currently don't feel like I even have enough time to see my kids grow up, let alone having fifteen minutes to shower in peace! I feel like I probably should take time for myself, even if it's just fifteen minutes to shower, but I feel like some days I just can't justify that time for myself, which is why I sometimes go three days without showering! This sounds ridiculous as I type it and re-read it, but there are honestly some days where I don't have time to shower until ten 0'clock at night and by that point I just don't have the energy to do it.

I realize that this is just a stage, because once Maya gets on a schedule and is sleeping through the night I am sure I will find more time for myself. But how do I just enjoy this time I have with her while I am sleep deprived and greasy? Because I will NEVER get it back. I find myself wishing for the day when Maya will sleep eleven to twelve hours at night, but as I look at Rosie and how grown up she is, I realize I will never get this newborn stage back with Maya! I am trying to find the joy and happiness amidst the frustration and craziness, and I am having a hard time with it... I just need my sisters to tell me what to do! I am currently out of ideas and consistently drawing a blank in my pooped out brain.

...Order...Order in the Court!

2011-02-02T19:08:00.000-08:00

I'm so glad Heavenly Father isn't done teaching me. That sounds a bit ridiculous, I know. But recently it seems I have been receiving lesson, after lesson, after lesson! As I sit down to blog a bit about these lessons, it seems like an impossible feat--but here goes.

When Olivia was born, I had about 3 weeks to simply enjoy being her mother before I was thrown back into the hustle and bustle of law school. She came right along with me, endured the crazy ride, and we somehow managed to graduate. Thankfully I had sisters willing to open their homes, watch my little one for a few hours and send home a warm dinner. I couldn't have managed without you guys. After graduation we enjoyed a couple months of family time and vacations, but then prepared for uprooting to Laramie. Between moving, helping Will get ready for law school and applying for various part-time jobs for myself, the pace of life continued just as franticly as ever. Once I started working 20+ hours a week, I began studying for the MPRE (a multi-state ethics exam) in November. We juggled baby time, and did the best we could. I then went through the arduous and expensive application process for the Bar Exam, (including a whirlwind trip to UT) and started planning out my study time. We had prayed and felt good about taking the UT bar in February, but looking back I wonder if I was simply left to my agency so that further down the road I would be primed for receiving a valuable life-lesson. As the year was drawing a close, I had a constant pit in my stomach, wondering how I would be able to accomplish all that I felt I needed to do.Will was also struggling a bit to get in the time he needed to for school, but because he sensed my stress he didn't complain. On top of all that, we learned Olivia was likely going to need eye surgery, patching and possible therapy in the upcoming months. And now describing our situation it is no wonder that something had to give. Let's just say I'm a slow learner.

It all came crashing down December 15th when I learned that I did not pass the ethics exam for the state of UT. FAIL? That has never happened to me. Barely passing - I can handle that - but fail? My "master plan" was crumbling. I would have to retake the test within a week of taking the bar exam, which meant doubling up on the study time. And where was I going to find any extra time? I had thought my preparation was sufficient for the MPRE, and I was squeezing study in to every extra moment I had. And for the bar I was already going to have to severely increase my study time - hopefully to 20 hours/week for 2 months, which is still half of what most bar candidates do. And in order to find those extra 20 hours/week, I was going to have to find full-time day care for Livvy. My heart aches to admit that I was considering such a schedule. But in my mind I could justify two months of chaos for the potential to earn more and work less - or even from home, so I could spend more time with Olivia (and any future siblings) in the long run while Will finished school. But now the biggest fear had surfaced - WHAT IF I MADE ALL THIS ADDITIONAL SACRIFICE AND STILL ENDED UP FAILING THE BAR?

I came home that day and just cried. Olivia watched and gave me a hug and I just held her while I slowly let it all out. Will came home that evening and while he was shocked to hear the news, he was supportive and open to a course change if that is what I decided to do. To withdraw my application meant a forfeit of $500, not an easy pill to swallow when your struggling to make ends meet. He gave me a blessing that evening that just spoke to my soul - it addressed all my concerns, doubts and fears. I was reassured that Heavenly Father was proud of the decisions I had made up to this point in my life, and I was reminded that I had felt guided to attend law school and that I had been given the opportunity and capacity to finish. While taking the bar is a good thing, I was counseled to consider it in the context of the best things of life. I have stretched myself over these past few months, and we have seen miracles. But Olivia is now at a stage where she is very eager to learn, and is likely to require some special attention these next few months. As the blessing finished, I knew without a doubt what the best things in my life were - Will, Olivia, and the future Spirits to come. I felt prompted to read Mosiah 4:27, which has become my motto for this year:

And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order;

for it is not requisite that a woman should run faster than she has strength.

And again, it is expedient that she should be diligent,

that thereby she might win the prize;

therefore, all things must be done in order.

As I read this verse, the word "order" took on a whole new meaning. Before I thought of it as "tidiness", "organization" or "cleanliness", or that things are done step by step, in a proper chronological order. And while all these may be true, I was missing a most important interpretation - All things must be done in order of priority. In other words, we must sort through all the potential good out there, and make sure we are focusing on the BEST.

President Uchtdorf's last conference address couldn't have been more timely. And while I wish I could include all parts of his talk that touched me, the general message is as follows:

When stress levels rise, when distress appears, when tragedy strikes, too often we attempt to keep up the same frantic pace or even accelerate,

thinking somehow that the more rushed our pace, the better off we will be...

Brothers and sisters, we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes,

and truly see the things that matter most...

If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing,

then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most...

Let us simplify our lives a little. Let us make the changes necessary to refocus our lives on the sublime beauty of the simple, humble path of Christian discipleship—

the path that leads always toward a life of meaning, gladness, and peace.

And that about sums it all up for me. A simple solution to my seemingly complex situation. So I decided to "de-complicate" my life - starting with a withdrawal of my bar application. Once that decision was made, a huge burden lifted from off my shoulders. That pit in my stomach was gone, and was replaced with peace and reassurance.

A couple weeks later I was able to visit the temple. During the session the word "order" kept popping into my mind - and I was given the distinct impression that it was up to me to establish a house of order. No, that does not mean I needed to run home and clean :) - it means that if I do not see to our top priorities being met in our home, then the things that matter most will fall through the cracks and become neglected. It means that I need not worry when good things fall by the wayside while I focus on establishing a house founded on the essentials of the gospel. It means I need to assume a more facilitative and supportive role in our family, by temporarily setting aside some personal accomplishments for the overall achievements of our family.

Lesson learned.

Well, while you all have seemed to grasp these principles much more adeptly than I, I still wanted to share my recent journey through this crazy thing called womanhood.

Next lesson? How do I cope with having to drop Olivia off at day care for two afternoons a week? Tuesday was her first day - she did great but I'm a wreck! Today she did okay, but only slept for 1/2 an hour. BOO!

New Baby, New Understanding

2011-01-25T13:40:00.000-08:00

Maya Jessica Garcia, January 12th, 2011.
It is funny how life continues on after bringing a new baby into the world. It is such a beautiful miracle, and it amazes me that she is one of Heavenly Father's spirit children sent to our family to experience life and receive a physical body. It is something I want to shout from the rooftop and stop time for a moment to absorb how sacred it is. I think everyone should stop what they are doing and marvel at this beautiful spirit that has come to our family! But, after I am home and I see that life continues on (the house still needs to be cleaned, bills still need to be paid, and I still need to go back to work), I realize that Heavenly Father has a lot of trust and confidence in us women to be mothers to these little spirits. Not only to bring them into the world, but to raise them and teach them, day in and day out. The miracle of motherhood is not just giving birth, although that is an amazing thing. The miracle of motherhood is that we can be such a force for good throughout the course of our children's lives in a world that is missing too many "good" mothers. I am so grateful and humbled to be in this position. I am also so grateful to be surrounded by so many amazing women and mothers (Thank you sisters!!!) who show me what really good mommies are like.

Mormon Mommy Blogs - an interesting perspective

2011-01-17T12:57:00.000-08:00

Hi Ladies. I just read an interesting article that I wanted to share with you:

Feminist Obsessed With Mormon Blogs

It was thought provoking and made me want to post more on our mommy blog! I appreciated the author's candidness, humor and honest confession about her fascination with Mormon moms and the lives they lead.

Sometimes I forget how unique our lives and attitudes are to the world, and how liberating it can be to embrace those things that truly bring happiness, like marriage and motherhood. That doesn't mean our lives are spot-free or effortless, but compared to the degrading worldly forces that seek to demean women, I can appreciate that on the whole my life is "uplifting" and genuinely happy.

So read it and let me know what you think!

A New Dawn, A New Day, and I'm Feelin' Good

2011-01-14T10:26:00.001-08:00

Hello ladies! Today I feel like ruminating on the fresh feelings of a new year. 2011... You know your old when the current year sounds like it's out of a Sci-Fi movie. Hahaha. What a great time to be alive! Jessy's emails are proof that every day the gospel of Jesus Christ grows stronger in the hearts of humanity. I often focus too much on the growing evil and godlessness of our society. The truth is that the good in the world is growing right along with the evil, and luckily, we know the end of the story so why not rejoice?!

I think that general pattern in the world of evil and good growing alongside each other happens in our individual lives. Just when we get comfortable, just when we feel like we're on top of things and can actually succeed in our lives, another hurdle comes along. To me, those hurdles always feel evil. I always think, "I was barely able to scrape over the last hurdle and this new one is so much taller! I'll never make it!"

I heard something this week and now I can't even remember where. (I think it was in my new Brad Wilcox book The Continuous Atonement - let me know if you want to borrow it!) He was talking about the scripture, "Be still and know that I am God." He said that's well and good when you are able to Be Still. But what about those moments when you can't be still. When your human emotions and circumstances (and hormones) make it impossible for your mind to slow down enough to feel that peace? He said that the principle works the same when you flip it around to read, "Know that I am God, and Be Still." That may seem redundant but the spirit spoke peace to me. Almost like it was saying, "Do you know that he is God? Then you can Be Still." No matter what the confusion or the trial I will always know what I know. And because of that I will always have the power to Be Still.

Anyway, back to my original topic. I have been refreshed to remember that the good always grows with the bad and that the good always wins out in the end. That means my feeble attempts at having a stricter budget this year ARE going to make a difference to my family! I already ran out of grocery money for the month (hahaha) so I had to make so bread yesterday for dinner. Looks like we'll be living on whatever's in the freezer and canned goods for the rest of the month. (At least there's still money in the Dates category so we'll have at least one more good meal this month.) Here's to a new year and choices and changes that actually make a difference!

Sibbers

2010-12-12T18:41:00.000-08:00

Again I ask the question, what do people do without good siblings?? I have been thinking about each of you individually for the past couple days. I have been thinking about and praying for Lizzy up in Laramie, making the best of an often lonely situation. I have been wondering how on earth Amanda keeps it all together with her demanding schedule. I have been humbled by Sarah's constant and tireless efforts to serve and help the people she loves and those she barely knows. I've been thinking about and praying for Jessy, half way around the world in a non Christian country during Christmas. I've been watching Matt and his struggle for truth in all areas of his life and his dedication to becoming his best self. And even though we don't get to have our heart to hearts as often as we used to, I just want you all to know something. You provide me with strength and motivation just by knowing you. In those moments when I want to just collapse onto the floor and start throwing a tantrum because something is hard or it's not going how I'd like it to go, I think of you guys. I think of how much I love you and how much you love me.

So I thought I'd send this thought out into the world tonight... When you are lonely or discouraged or hurt in some way, just know that you have a family who loves you no matter what. You have people, wonderful people, in your corner who believe in you and want what's best for you. And I'm convinced that it's not only family on this side of the veil. We have family as our angels, I'm sure of it. They love us like Grandma Rosie loves us and they are in our corner. Their strength and love is real. Lean on them, like you would lean on me or any of your other siblings if we lived under the same roof.

I am convinced that there is more relief, more direction, more comfort, and more love in our corner than we ever take advantage of. Be still... Listen to your heart... Know that you are priceless. Families are forever and it is worth it. Merry Christmas to my favorite people!

Blessings and Responsibilities of Motherhood

2010-12-01T08:18:00.000-08:00

I have forgotten how cool it is to look down and see a big "bum" bump in my belly, making it lopsided...

Last night our baby girl was moving around like crazy. She kicked me in the stomach pretty hard and it made me nauseous! Just when I was about to complain to Cesar, she started punching or running on my side and it totally tickled. I laughed out loud, it was so funny! I decided to lay down, thinking she might calm down, but once she felt the couch underneath her she wanted to stand up or something! She just kept pushing off the couch!

It's really the coolest thing ever to know there is a little spirit inside of me, growing and developing her own personality, likes and dislikes, her own unique look, and her own place in our family. The family dynamic of four will be much different than three, for sure, and I am so excited to see what this little spirit will bring into our home and our lives. She is so different from Rosie already! It is truly an amazing gift we have as women to bring our Heavenly Father's children into the world, and last night I felt so humbled by the thought. The gift we have as women is so miraculous! President Hinckley said this about women: "He who is our Eternal Father has blessed you with miraculous powers of mind and body. He never intended that you should be less than the crowning glory of His creations." Isn't that amazing?! What a tremendous blessing Heavenly Father has given us as women. Having a baby in my belly is so COOL!

Every time I think of a huge blessing in my life, I am reminded that "where much is given, much is required." We are SO blessed to be able to bring spirits into this world, and no one can doubt the greatness of this gift. With that gift, we are also given the responsibility to raise those spirits to the best of our ability. I often see the requirement to serve on my part should be as great as the blessing I've been given, and there is no blessing more great than to be a mother. President Hinckley said this: "I believe that it should be the blessing of every child to be born into a home where that child is welcomed, nurtured, loved, and blessed with parents, a father and a mother, who live with loyalty to one another and to their children... I hope that you mothers will realize that when all is said and done, you have no more compelling responsibility, nor any laden with greater rewards, than the nurture you give your children in an environment of security, peace, companionship, love and motivation to grow and do well." This is like the perfect outline of what we really need to be focused on as mothers! These are the priorities of TODAY, not tomorrow. I have written before that sometimes it is hard to put my to-do list down and just live in the moment. It's still hard for me today! But knowing that NOTHING is as important as my responsibility to nurture and love my children, it turns my heart away from a "perfectly ran household" to making sure my little Rosie and my tummy gymnast know they are loved and safe.

I have another quote that I loved from President Hinckley. These are all from the same talk called Stand Strong against the Wiles of the World from General Conference in 1995. I strongly recommend you all read this! It's the talk where the "Proclamation to the World" was introduced. He says, "Regardless of your circumstances, walk with faith. Rear your children in light and truth. Teach them to pray while they are young. Read to them from the scriptures even though they may not understand all that you read. Teach them to pay their tithes and offerings on the first money they ever receive. Let this practice become a habit in their lives. Teach your sons to honor womanhood. Teach your daughters to walk in virtue. Accept responsiblity in the Church, and trust in the Lord to make you equal to any call you may receive. Your example will set a pattern for your children. Reach out in love to those in distress and need." More great counsel for guidance as mothers. :)

I think the most comforting message was at the end of the talk. President Hinckley really knows how to give us the feeling of Hope. He said: "May the Lord bless you, my beloved sisters. You are the guardians of the hearth. You are the bearers of the children. You are they who nurture them and establish within them the habits of their lives. No other work reaches so close to divinity as does the nurturing of the sons and daughters of God. May you be strengthened for the challenges of the day. May you be endowed with wisdom beyond your own in dealing with the problems you constantly face. May your prayers and your pleadings be answered with blessings upon your heads and upon the heads of your loved ones." After reading this, I realized that as we dedicate ourselves to being mothers because we have been blessed to bring them into the world, we are given more blessings, requiring us to give more! It's like this continually moving upward spiral! I recently admitted to some of my sisters at a girl's night that one of my biggest fears is not being "good enough," whether it's for my kids, my husband, my family, or my Heavenly Father. I love this quote because it gives me the gusto to go and do! I AM capable of being a good mother, because of the help the Lord is giving me. The more I try, the more blessed I am, making me more capable to try harder. It's that continual upward spiral of the gospel.

Being a mother is the best, isn't it?

Tot Collar = I Love You Caden!

2010-11-22T11:07:00.000-08:00

Caden had to wear this collar for a while to help strengthen the weak side of his neck. His head was jammed to one side for at least two months in the womb so he was born with a condition called torticollis. The way his head was jammed in there also caused a flat spot on one side of his head. Everyone else told me they couldn't even tell and he would grow out of it.

When he was about 3 months old I asked my doctor about it and he didn't seem too worried either. But he did refer me to a physical therapist for my own peace of mind and I finally got someone who took my concerns seriously. Caden's head was 7 mm different from one side to the other. They usually recommend a helmut once it gets to 8 mm. We did some stretches and exercises every day for about 2 months. The mobility and strength of his neck improved but his head remained at 7 mm difference.

That's when I had to decide between focusing treatment on his neck or his head. I knew Caden would be adorable no matter what his head looked like, but I didn't want walking/crawling to be overly frustrating for him so we choose to focus on his neck first and that led us to the tot collar.

He hated it at first! He screamed like he was being tortured! He looked at me like, "how could you do this to me? Don't you love me anymore?!" I felt so bad! Oh, how I hoped the short term discomfort would be worth it in the long run! We were very faithful with the collar for about 5 weeks before getting Caden's head measured again. He had a growth spurt during that time and his head went down to 3.5 mm difference between the sides (that's normal range, nobody has a totally symmetrical head). I was so glad!

Moral of the story: Sometimes it's hard to do what's right for your kids, in spite of what they think they want. He may have wanted that collar off every time I put it on him. But as a five year old, his life will be so much easier without vision problems and potentially severe scoliosis. Plus, this kid wants to move!! Sitting and crawling and walking with all come much easier now. He may still have some residual effects, but we'll try to keep up with the stretches and exercises so he can stay worry free. It's going to be an interesting balance between trying to give my kids everything they want in life and giving them what's best. Being a good mom is hard!

The Talk...Dun Dun Dun.

2010-11-17T20:59:00.000-08:00

Em has requested that I share my talk in this lovely sister forum. What she doesn't know is that she was the inspiration of my talk, through her stirring "Box-breaking" post.

My topic was "To Rescue Someone." Odd, I know, but it's a theme our bishop really likes. The more I thought about this topic though, the more I thought about those times in our lives when we feel like we are the ones who need the rescuing! So in a nutshell, I focused my talk on how we can help ourselves get out of that funk through focusing on others - which I realize has been the topic of several of our posts.

Em, I tried to get your consent before sharing your experience, but I assure you that I painted you in the most favorable light. :) I shared the Neal A. Maxwell quote from your post (several people asked for that reference by the way).

Because I don't write out my talks word for word, this is the gist of what I said next:

Many of us who are or have been new or young parents can identify with my sister’s experience. But there are other life-changing events or circumstances that can also cause us to "take our own temperature" and question our happiness, or to long for different circumstances, to cry out for help and wonder if we have what it takes to stand up to the challenges before us.

In times like these, I have noticed something peculiar occur: When I go to the Lord pray for help with something I’m personally struggling with, He usually presents me with an opportunity to focus on and help someone else.

Elder Eyering explains this phenomenon:

"Most of us know of someone who needs attention. What touches me is to hear of an older widow whom I was intending to visit having been inspired to visit a younger widow to comfort her. A widow needing comfort herself was sent to comfort another. The Lord helped and blessed two widows by inspiring them to encourage each other. So He gave succor to them both."

"The Lord sent help in that same way to the humble poor in Alma 34. Once they had repented and were converted, they were still poor. But He sent them to do for others what they might reasonably have thought was beyond them and which they still needed. They were to give others what they would have hoped He would give them."

The Lord expects us to give to others what we hope to receive from Him.

If we desire financial security – we must pay an honest tithe and be generous with what we do have.
If we desire forgiveness, we must forgive those who offend us.
If we desire comfort, we must offer comfort to those around us.
If we desire happiness, we should be the means of bringing a smile upon someone else’s face.
If we desire a friend, we should reach out and be a friend to someone else.

Really, it’s simple. But sometimes I amaze myself with how slow I am at applying simple primary principles in my life.

Pres Uchtdorf sums this point up nicely:

"In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we ANSWER may be of even greater importance. Let us open our eyes and see the heavy hearts, notice the loneliness and despair, let us feel the silent prayers of those around us and let us be an instrument in the hands of the lord to ANSWER those prayers."

Christ is the ultimate example of selflessness. He reaches out to you and me, desiring to heal us of any infirmity, pain or weakness we experience, whether it be impatience, lack of motivation, frustration or heartache. As we turn to Him, he uplifts us and answers our prayers by showing us how to help answer the prayers of others. He provides the strength in this process, we only need to provide a willing heart.

Well, there you have it ladies. It was pretty short due to time constraints, but I felt confident it was what I needed to share and talk about. It was awesome to feel the Spirit speak through me again. I miss that.

More Used Would I Be

2010-11-17T20:24:00.001-08:00

Sunday was a busy day.

Willie and I both gave talks in Sacrament meeting, we both had lessons to teach, we had the Harnish in-law clan over for dinner (your Cafe Rio pork recipe turned out great Nan), and then I had New Beginnings for YW that evening. Whew! But although our "day of rest" consisted of running from one thing to the next, at the end of the day I felt more rejuvenated than I have in long time. I even told Will that night before bed, "I'm so glad the Lord isn't done with me yet." Meaning, I'm so glad He is still working on me, using me to bless others' lives while teaching me in the process. I guess it has been a while since I had felt His influence and guidance so strongly. And true to form, our sister Jessy summed up my re-learning experience nicely in her email on Monday:

"If you allow it, He will stretch you and pull you, in ways that you will not want to be stretched and pulled and would not if left to your own devises....

He cannot work on what He does not have,

and He cannot have you unless you give yourself to Him."

When I read these words and contemplated on my recent experience, I couldn't help but think of my favorite line from one our most heartfelt hymns, "More used would I be." It was good to feel like I had been "used" for the day. I realize that I am guilty of not fully or consistently handing myself over to the Lord. Now lets see if I can consistently make myself available for use!

Request

2010-11-16T07:45:00.000-08:00

Hey Lizzy I think you should give us your talk here on the blog since none of us could see it in person! I bet you did amazing :) Thanks! Love you!

Sore Baby Bums - What to Do?

2010-11-08T09:35:00.001-08:00

I realize my posts have not been the most inspirational lately, but I am really struggling with Rosie's diaper rash right now! Rosie has never had a rash like this. She's had little diaper rashes before but they usually go away after a bath or a little cream. This one covers almost her entire bottom, it's completely raw, it's been here for two days now and she SCREAMS every time I go to change it. I even gave her tylenol this morning to help with the pain. Besides diaper rash cream, have you guys found any other home remedies that really help diaper rashes? I can use all the help I can get! I have read online that Vaseline helps a lot. Have you guys ever tried anything else? Almost any advice would help at this point...

Influence

2010-11-08T08:45:00.000-08:00

I have been pondering a lot lately about the word influence. Working with the young women I am constantly reminded that people have their agency and will become the sum of their choices. As the hymn says, "God will force no man to heaven." I KNOW when it comes to my own kids I'm going to wish I was the little angel always on their shoulder telling them what to do and say to stay safe from temptation and danger. Darn that agency (haha)!

I know my wish to control is not the plan I fought for in the pre-mortal life. But freedom... freedom to choose... what a scary thing! Especially with how explicit the world is today! And I don't only mean the TV and internet, I'm talking about 7th grade class rooms... The obscenities I hear from the junior high across the street! I am even embarrassed to repeat them to my own husband! The worst kind of filth that exists in the world, and our children will be encountering it at such a young age.

Really? Are we sure we like the idea of agency?? Sometimes I get frustrated with how little control I have over the environment of my girls. I think "all I can do is teach them the right on Sunday and the rest is up to them, if they fall it's not my fault." Knowing that attitude is completely stupid, that leads me to the question, "What is my responsibility? And the simple answer is Influence.

I have a feeling that discovering what that word really means and how to use it's power for good is one of the most important things we can do in this life. It will change our marriages, our children, and all others we have been given the responsibility to help.

But what does it mean to influence someone? Sometimes I feel like I'm being to pushy or preachy or nosey. Hmm.... Persuade with love... to call to repentance without offending... to live the plan of happiness so perfectly that others are convinced of it's truthfulness... This is a gift we all must develop. The darkness is thickening, it's nearly suffocating some of our youth. Our kids must be pretty amazing to be sent to the world during a time such as this. We have SO MUCH to prepare them for!

Okay, I'll stop now. It's been on my mind and it feels good to get off my chest.

Tres Leches

2010-11-06T12:31:00.000-07:00

'Tis the season for sweets and treats! Cesar's family always has Tres Leches at every big family gathering, especially for the holidays and birthdays. I thought Iwould share the family recipe with you guys!

Cake:
6 Eggs
1/2 c. Sugar
1 c. Flour
1 teaspoon of Baking Powder

In a bowl, combine the flour and baking powder. In a separate bowl beat the eggs whites until peaks can form. Mix in the sugar and egg yolks one by one. Continue mixing and add the flour/baking powder mix. Mix well for another minute after all ingredients are added. Spray 9x13 pan (preferably glass - it cooks better for some reason) and pour in cake mix. Bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees.

Three Milks:
2 cans Sweetened Condensed Milk
1 can Evaporated Milk
1 pint Heavy Whipping Cream

*Generally it's one can of each. Cesar's family puts two cans of sweetened condensed and two cans of evaporated milk, but I don't like it as runny as they do. I put two cans of sweetened condensed and one can of evaporated. You can make it however you like it!

Mix half of the whipping cream with the sweetened condensed and evaporated milk when the cake is out of the oven. Immediately poke holes in the cake using a fork. Let it stand for about five minutes (but not too long!), then pour the milk mixture over the cake and put in the refrigerator. You don't want the cake to sit too long and get too dry, it's better to add the milk mixture sooner than later.

Whip the remaining whipping cream for the topping. The typical topping is whipped cream and fresh strawberries, but Cesar's dad likes to add kiwis, blueberries, or other fresh fruit in season like mangos and pineapple.

I hope you all try it some time! It's a Garcia family favorite!

Mom blues? Prego blues? ...or just plain blues.

2010-10-31T19:21:00.001-07:00

We all know that pregnancy makes you a little emotional. (HA! Understatement of the CENTURY in my case.) Last night I was exhausted. I had spent all day yesterday on my feet--the same feet who have been really struggling to hold the extra weight of my gigantic ankles. My back and hips were barely mobile...I felt like I had just been hit by a truck!

Anyhoo, in the midst of such incredible exhaustion, I couldn't even sleep. Go figure. When I realized I hadn't even prayed yet, I immediately got to my knees. I started praying and I just felt so...blaa. As I continued on, I was frustrated that I couldn't get a different feeling. Tears came because I knew that it was ME that was keeping that wall up between me and the wonderful warmth of the Spirit. I laid back down and cried a little longer. I just felt BLUE! And I couldn't even begin to figure out why.

Just then, Shelby woke up crying. I went in to find her coughing and grabbing at her throat as she squeaked and croaked: "Owie, Mommy, owie." I gave her some Tylenol and poured some juice in a sippy, and rocked her until she calmed down. I ran my fingers across her forehead as she drifed back into sleep. And before I even realized it, I felt better. I felt warm. I felt the Spirit. I laid her back down, and she said with a lisp through her binkie, "Kisses?" I kissed her head and she closed her eyes with a smile.

I went back to bed and prayed again, this time with the Spirit so strong. I tried to stay awake long enough to hear the meaning of what just happened. Something about serve serve serve...and you'll forget your sorrows. And then I was asleep.

I think I learn this lesson over and over. And over. We are healed through our service.

As moms, I know we pretty much serve all day long, mostly without a thanks...or ANY type of acknowledgment, for that matter. And it's doable most of the time--it's part of the job! And NOT needing to see ALL the fruits of our labor is part of becoming like Christ, right?

But then...Heavenly Father also knows what we need when we really need it. And I'm so glad that sometimes He allows us to see the full result of our efforts. When this happens, it's like tossing in a quarter in getting back $100. Last night I was able to see what I meant to that little munchkin, and that I made her whole world "all better". And in that process, I had COMPLETELY forgotten my own heartache.

So was it the mom blues, prego blues, or just plain blues? Who cares. What got me into that funk is unknown, but what got me out was focusing on someone else. How soon before the next time I need to re-learn this, I wonder?

Night Terrors?

2010-10-28T11:22:00.001-07:00

Well, our little one has had some troubles sleeping lately. She goes down just fine, but around 1 or 2am she wakes screaming. When she was younger we could just leave her and she'd fall back asleep within 5 minutes. That approach is just not working this time around--she seems to escalate the longer she is left alone. After 30+ min, and no one sleeping, I tried to comfort her but this little girl just wouldn't be comforted - if I leave her in the crib and sing to her she cries, If I pick her up she thrashes around, if I let her down on the ground, she screams. I finally relented to giving her a bottle and some Tylenol - a surefire way to get this one to sleep. She downed the bottle, but as soon as she was done (right after I got all cozy in bed) she started right back up again. She had no fever, her room was plenty warm, and her bum freshly changed. I had the thought of Will giving her a blessing, so I brought her in our room. She usually loves being on our bed, but she was still inconsolable. I held her close and hummed a song and she finally calmed down a bit, but every time he placed his hands on her head she started thrashing around again. Unfortunately a blessing just didn't happen, I told him to go back to sleep and I took her in her room to try and rock her. She wouldn't have it. Finally I just laid her down in her crib and started singing an Elmo song she loves. This caught her attention, and eventually after an hour of tickling and singing lullabies she had calmed down enough to fall asleep. After I was sure she had fallen asleep, she started "talking". "Oh great," I thought, "she's wide awake now and wants to play." But upon closer examination, she was still fast asleep. She made a few humming sounds, rolled around, and then silent once more. I just sat beside her crib humming until I fell asleep too. What a crazy (awful) experience! I admit I was happy to finally be able to calm her down, but I hate how long she resisted comfort!

This morning it occurred to me, I wonder if she was having a night terrror? I did a little research online this morning, and she was showing a lot of the symptoms - seeming to be wide awake but clearly disoriented and confused and would not be comforted.

From BabyCenter: Trying to soothe your child will only extend and intensify the sleep terror — even saying his name can make him more upset. Likewise, don't try to vigorously awaken him. He may think you are attacking him. Instead, just let the night terror run its course, and stand nearby to make sure your toddler doesn't hurt himself."

Really? That's all I can do? Have you guys heard of this or had any experience with something like this?

Sorry for the Debbie Downer

2010-10-26T12:00:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday I was battling homesickness thinking of Halloween festivities we will miss. And with the holidays just around the corner, I know its not going to get much easier. We are staying here for Thanksgiving (as it is right before Finals) and we just booked flights to Oklahoma for Christmas. We'll get to come home around New Years and for Matt's wedding, but that seems so far away (and who cares about New Years anymore?) I admit I moped around that whole afternoon, trying to convince myself to cheer up knowing it was only fair to spend time with Will's family. Besides, I asked him what he'd rather have for Christmas -- a TV or a trip to Oklahoma, and I admit I was surprised when he said Oklahoma.

Now in my heart I know that home is really wherever Willie and Olivia are, but it doesn't mean that I don't miss you guys and your cute kiddos like crazy! I think becoming a mom has made me more of a home-body, wanting to be close to my family. Well Mom, I'm now a bit more understanding of all the homesickness you have gone through!

Something to get us through the day

2010-10-21T07:51:00.000-07:00

"I know that each of us has a vital and essential role as a daughter of God. He has bestowed upon His daughters divine attributes for the purpose of forwarding His work. God has entrusted women with the sacred work of bearing and rearing children. No other work is more important. It is a holy calling. The noblest office for a woman is the sacred work of building eternal families, ideally in partnership with her husband."

—Sister Silvia H. Allred

WE CAN DO IT!!!

And CONGRATS TO OUR SWEET BROTHER!!!!

Happy Anniversary

2010-10-16T21:43:00.000-07:00

Cesar and I celebrated our fourth anniversary this week! Amanda was so nice and took Rosie for the night so Cesar and I could get away. (Thanks sis!) After a whole 24 hours of no baby, no mickey mouse, no singing "itsy bitsy spider," and no poopy diapers, I have to admit I felt sad our "together time" was over! Maybe that is wrong for me to say, and maybe it means my "motherly instinct" isn't completely in touch right now, but is it so bad that I love my husband so much that I truly miss the time when it was just him and I? I keep having these torn feelings, like I should miss Rosie more than I do after not seeing her for twenty four hours, but at the same time I am so sad that Cesar and I probably won't have another 24 hours alone for another year! I truly hope I am not the only mother who loves her children tremendously, but misses the time she had with her husband before kids came along!

I feel like if I continue to write I will just continue to sound like a worse mom, so I will leave it there.

Lesson Learned...Again.

2010-10-15T13:35:00.000-07:00

I've been sheltered for too long. Attending BYU for the past...um, let's see...umpteen years, I've grown (for lack of a better term) "soft in the belly." I have forgotten how different I am from the rest of the world, and that I have something so valuable that most in this world do not. Let me explain:

A few days before General Conference, a co-worker that I have become friends with asked if I had any plans for the weekend. Although I knew I'd spend it watching Conference, I guess didn't want to sound "weird" so I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "Not much, just hangin' out." I was immediately disappointed in myself--I just passed up a great opportunity to share a little bit about who I am and what I believe in. You would think having served a mission, I would be a bit more comfortable sharing what is most important to me, but I guess I've just been out of practice for a while in my BYU bubble.

I came home that evening and shared my disappointing response with Willie. He just smiled and said, "Well, what are you going to say when she asks how your weekend went?" That gave me hope!

Sure enough, Monday morning she asked if I found anything to do over the weekend. "Actually," I said, "I spent most of it listening to a Conference that my church holds twice a year." She just smiled and said "Oh, that's cool," and that was it. So simple, and yet I felt so much better about myself for just being upfront about who I am. Since then she has asked a few more questions, and who knows where it will lead. For now I just want to focus on being a friend to her and her cute family while looking for opportunities to share a bit more of what matters most to me.

Not really a "mommy" post, but this mommy needed reminding that just because she is a busy mom and wife, she must not shy away from opportunities to share who she is and what she believes with other children of God.

Hubby Lovin'

2010-10-14T21:11:00.000-07:00

So... husbands... what a crazy plan to have two opposite beings come together to form a partnership! While motherhood is my greatest joy in life, wife-hood is my greatest adventure!

I am doing personal progress right now for a competition with our young women and I had to be nicer to the family member of my choice for two whole weeks. I couldn't criticize or use any negative language, even sarcasm! And I had to make a special effort to build up and encourage this family member. Guess who I choose?

At first I thought, "I'm already SO nice to Nate, my life won't even change in the next two weeks." (I love how I think I'm so wonderful.) However, I found myself holding my tongue on more than one occasion and truly trying to only voice praise to him for all that he does. I tried harder to have dinner ready and a clean(er) house when he came home. I didn't think it was making a difference until we had a talk one night about his work. The spirit is amazing how it can pierce through even the thickest of skulls because I saw my husband more clearly during that conversation somehow. I recognized things that I've been missing for the last little while.

Then tonight we both started getting frustrated with the fly situation in our house (I swear I kill 5 per day!) and we started doing the typical finger pointing and venting session. I literally felt the peace in my heart drain. I changed my tone and Nate instantly changed his. Now we have been giggling at each other all evening.

The spirit is so sensitive! Leaving over a little squabble about flies! I never would have noticed it had I not been doing this challenge. Moral of the story? Watch yourself, your thoughts and your words. You are the keeper of the spirit in your home, guard it well.

New Thoughts From An Old Person....

2010-10-07T19:34:00.000-07:00

Hi ladies. what a good idea this is. Thanks for inviting me to be a part of this blog! I like being able to hear the innermost thoughts and feelings of you beautiful darling sweet young women. Hearing your stories and visiting your homes and holding your babies makes me wish I could do it all over again! What a great place you are all at in your lives right now. You all look so happy and content. I hope that is the case with you all. Mother hood is the greatest blessing there is in life. We are all so lucky and blessed to be mothers (and grandmothers), and women, and wives. Enjoy this time ladies. Enjoy every day and every minute. Find joy in serving your family. Find joy and happiness in making your husbands and your children happy. It is a labor of love isn't it? It is worth it! Being a wife, mother and homemaker is our calling, cherish it, treasure it find joy in it and you will be happy.

A Good Box Breaking

2010-10-06T19:11:00.000-07:00

In Italy they have a saying, "Rompere le scatole" - break the boxes. The closest thing I can think of in English is "humble pie". But the Italian version is much more aggressive. Let me explain.

Imagine yourself standing on a soap box, spouting off your opinions. First of all, to be up on a soap box, you must be expressing something of which you are completely convinced. Second of all, it is a public setting. You want people to know what you think!

Now imagine someone comes along and smashes your soap box, causing you to topple over . Your assailant approaches you with some irrefutable fact and you are forced to realize that whatever you were saying is totally false. That, my friends, is to have your box broken.

One of the greatest box-breaker of my life is dear, sweet, wonderful Elder Neal A. Maxwell. (How I miss him every conference!) He is phenomenal at giving tough love and encouragement all wrapped into one. Not only will he blatantly break your box, he will help you to your feet and lovingly teach you the truth.

Considering my latest mini-crisis of figuring out motherhood, Elder Maxwell pulls through for me again. First the box breaking:

"So many things have combined to underwrite a surging selfishness that presents us with a sobering scene. Many people assert their needs, but where have we lodged the corresponding obligations? Many have become demanders, but where are the providers and the deliverers? The drives for self-fulfillment and self-awareness and self-assertion have been heightened... Selfish people are forever taking their own temperature, asking themselves, "Am I happy?"

Ouch. That actually stung a bit. I had found the reason I was struggling being truly happy and at peace with my crazy life. I was being selfish. Not to worry, he immediately follows his rebuke with a warm cup of hope.

"The finding of oneself is a process that is both gradual and constant; it is an accumulative accomplishment; it is a patient process. We lose ourselves in righteous service and in wise and good causes through a thousand deeds. By obeying and serving, we are growing, to be sure, but there is little room (and almost no time) in which to notice our growth. We are in a sense, being fulfilled because we are being emptied."

And there it is. Just because we don't notice our growth doesn't mean it's not happening. We are being molded and shaped every day through a thousand small deeds. (Wait... even laundry? Yes... even laundry :) So the next time I feel emptied, I'm going to try and say to myself, "My, what a marvelous day of personal growth!"

Thank you for doing this blog with me ladies. Things make so much more sense when you have to organize your thoughts and share them with others.

Behavior modification?

2010-10-06T07:57:00.000-07:00

I think I know why we are intended to have both a mom and a dad.

My wonderful husband happens to be a psychology major. Before you start thinking what a tender-hearted, right-brained man he must be, let me quickly tell you he ditched that avenue and went into business. He decided he wouldn't be very successful as a therapist if he told his clients to "buck up and get over it." He did, however, come away with one concept from his studies: behavior modification. For one (lame-o) class he took, he trained a rat to do various things in order to get food. He watched as the rat named Roy did whatever he thought was necessary to get what he wanted.

Needless to say, our sweet 2-year-old daughter Shelby is the new Roy the rat. Her dad is determined to eliminate any whining or crying from her by consciously not rewarding that behavior in any way. This has been a parenting struggle between my sweet husband and I. Of course, I don't want to end up with a whiny 14 year old, who wants that? However, I might be labeled by some as "a bit of a softy." (Quotation marks on purpose, that may or may not have been said to me the other night.)

So last night, we were almost asleep around 11:00pm when I heard a sudden cry out for help. Shelby had been asleep for over 2 hours and woke up crying--in this case I usually pin a bad dream as the culprit. This time, I decided to give this whole "behavior modification" theory a try. I lie in bed starting at the ceiling as I listened to her say through her sobs, "Mommy mommy mommy...." while she sobbed some more. This continued a few minutes more (hours if you ask me), and eventually she quieted down and fell asleep. It was official: I was heartbroken. 10 minutes later I got up to check on her; she was rolled up in the corner of her crib, gripping her blankie tightly. I brought her to the middle, put a pillow under her head and pulled a blanket over her. I bent down and kissed her sweet head as a tear rolled down my face.

I climbed back into bed, and Travis put his arm around me, asking me if everything was ok. I whispered that it wasn't, that I was heartbroken. I said this whole parenting thing is going to require balance. But first and foremost, I am this tender little girl's mother. Among all my duties to her, my number one job is to love her until I turn blue; to provide loving arms when she needs comfort. My job as her earthly mommy is to do what her heavenly mommy would do if she were here. Trav gave me a hug and whispered that he understood.

This morning when she made her first peep, I took her with her binkie and blankie and held her in the rocking chair, watching her slowly wake up. She just gazed in my eyes for a few moments. When she saw my eyes squint into a smile, hers immediately followed suit. We were healed.

At the end of the day, when this whole parenting thing is over, my biggest regret wouldn't be that I didn't discipline her enough--it would be that I didn't love her enough. And so, I am here to do both, but mostly love.

Besides, who wants to snuggle a rat named Roy? He doesn't need his mommy the way Shelby needs me. :)

All You Need is LOVE

2010-10-04T18:58:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about how to be a good mom a lot these past few months. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough, or being enough, or teaching enough. Rosie has always preferred her dad over me, and sometimes it makes me wonder if it's because she doesn't feel my love enough. Now that I am pregnant with my second, I struggle with wondering why I am bring another person into this world, when I don't even know how to reach out and touch the heart of my first child!

I work part-time, and there are days when I get home from work and she needs something, but I have no idea how her day has gone so I don't know what she needs! So, I ask Cesar how she's been doing that day, and all I get is: "Good." What does that mean? How has she been eating? Sleeping? Playing? Has she been outside? How much TV has she watched? Have you read to her? Walked with her?

As I struggle with this particular issue in being a Mom, I have to remind myself of what my sister Liz said at our most recent Girls Night Out. Liz talked about how kids just really need LOVE, and all of the other stuff works itself out. "It all comes out in the wash," right Emily? I get too caught up in Rosie's physical needs and teaching her that I sometimes forget to just LOVE her. I need to let go of my checklist and start embracing the moment, and embracing Rosie. The floor is dirty? Who cares. There are dirty dishes? I'll do them later. There is a project that is still unfinished? It can go unfinished one more day. Today, and in this moment, I need to play with Rosie... This will take a LOT of work for me to change, but I think my daughters will be grateful for that dirty house some day because they got to see their mom playing with them and loving them.

Change

2010-10-02T15:30:00.000-07:00

So we've all heard the statement, "Nothing is as constant as change." I find it's incredible how one moment, one conversation can change everything. Like the moment you first realize that the baby in your arms is truly your child. Or someone says something that changes your heart forever.

Sometimes I find myself almost breathless with how much I have changed in the past 6 months. Most of it is good change, but I still find it emotionally exhausting. I have only been thinking few hours ahead or behind me for 6 months. Its like I've been hiking looking down at my feet, only to look around me long after I began and wonder where I am. I know I'm in a good place, my boys make me so happy. But I simply cannot be the same person. I'm always rushing and planning things literally down the ounce and minute, trying to restore some sanity to my life. But I think I'm chasing a train that left a long time ago. The train of sanity, tranquility, meditation and perspective.

I need a new version of me to keep up with this life of mine. But I don't know what it is yet.... A big piece of that will be to prioritize. But sometimes I find myself using "priorities" as an excuse for why the laundry isn't done or the kitchen is a disaster. I thought I could do more. I thought I could be more.

Perhaps I'm lazy. Perhaps I simply expect too much. I know I need a change, I need TO change. If only I could see the forest rather than the trees. Don't most moms have some sort of a rhythm by now??? This makes no sense, I realize that. But I just had to vent to people I trust. I'll keep you posted on my progress :)

Positive Thinking

2010-10-01T10:47:00.001-07:00

Rosie just threw up... in her sleep... all over her crib... I got her out of the crib, into new jammies, changed the sheets, took out her blankies, gave her a new binky and put her back to bed. As I cleaned it up quickly, trying to not wake her up too much, I kept thinking, "There should be a law against pregnant women cleaning up barf!"
Fortunately, there's not.
Fortunately??? YES. FORTUNATELY. Fortunately it is MY resposiblity to clean up the throw up of my 17 month old, and NOT someone else's.
I think positive thinking is the majority of the battle, especially while being a mommy.
Sorry, I have to go. Rosie is crying again. :)

Posted by Sarah

No Patience to Learn Patience!

2010-10-01T10:43:00.001-07:00

Hello Ladies! I came across this little clip yesterday and it was such a great reminder of the blessings of patience. President Uchtdorf's talk really touched me the first time I heard it, but the visuals of the kiddos really drive the point home for me! :) Sometimes I want to be the kid stuffing his face as I lose patience with all the ways the Lord is trying to teach me patience!! I think, "I already learned how to be patient! How about you send this lesson on to someone who could really use it?" (Sounds like I could use a humility lesson as well :) Those urges are stifled when I realize that too many of my life's greatest blessings have come from exercising just a little patience. Why not allow the Lord to fulfill his promises by just waiting peacefully a little longer?

And as you all know, being a mommy and wife many lessons of patience are automatically built in. :) So what is that one area in life where you could exercise just a little more patience?

Enough talk, enjoy!

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Posted by Liz